Saturday, December 31, 2011

Learn a new Language

So just in time for new years I got Rosetta Stone Japanese!
I will start my first lesson tomorrow and I'm super excited. It takes 30 minutes for the first lesson it says and I'm excited for it. I will also do a review of it if I end up finishing it. Which I hope I will. Why I chose Japanese in the first place? Well I know this is going to sound stereotypical but I'm not going to lie. I'm a fan of anime. Ever since I was little I watched anime, I loved KiKi's Delivery Service which is a Japanese movie and of course I loved Pokemon. Over the years I stopped watching until I was about 12 or 13. Since then I've been fascinated by Japan, not just the anime but their whole culture. I collect tea sets from Japan (and all over the world but my first tea set was from Japan) and I also love the kimonos and traditions. Of course my interest would have never came to be if it hadn't been for anime so in a way it helped me discover something that I really like. I'm not unrealistic of course, I used to be. Some fan's think that Japan is complete heaven with no flaws. Granted I used to think that but I began to learn more and realize the Japan has it's faults and follies and whatnot just like any other country. I don't want to move there right now but some day. It's on my goal list hehe.
Anyways tomorrow starts my first vlog entry! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I'll probably also post a tour of my room. I filmed one the other day but my voice was too low because I was so far away from the camera.
OH AND HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYBODY!!
Tootles!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Blaming the Mall for Once

For once instead of blaming myself for being "shaped badly" I blamed the mall for the sizing problem! It's not my fault! No matter how much weight I loose I will always have my big boobs, butt, and shoulders which will make shopping still hard! Today in Forever 21 my mom brought me the CUTEST dress! It was a flowly dark pumpkin orange with little black cats all over it and a synched waist. It's cuter than it sounds really! I tried it on and I couldn't get it past my boobs. Never mind my stomach but my chest was way too big for the little size L dress. Another thing about that store that I now resent is EVERYTHING goes up to a L and a 10 in shoes. ONE size smaller than my actual size. It really pissed me off. It's so discriminatory!! I applaud the stores like Forever 21 for opening plus size but they have a miniscule selection of not really great things that is also secluded to the internet.
One store that I am now newly in love with is H&M. Their prices are SO nice compared to Delia's or Wet Seal. And their stuff is nice modern styles. Another thing is I actually fit some of the things I chose. I bought an ADORABLE little black shirt and a floral skirt there today, I wish I had the money to buy the floral shoes at Forever 21 that actually fit which was weird cause the size 10 in the other shoes were like three sizes too skinny width wise. But I could of paired that with some cute tights and a cardigan. hehe okay this isn't a fashion blog although I'm pondering opening one....
Back onto the topic at hand. Most stores in the mall only went up to the size Large! What the Hell is up with that?! I can't believe how down hill everything's gone size wise. plus my sister can fit most of the large tops and dresses comfortably in most of these stores and she's 10!
Well asides from that and on a happy note I'm a size 14 dress! I took a picture of myself in the H&M size 14 black dress. I will upload it later.
Well I'm tired so I'll talk to you all later!

Tootles,

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A Little Name Changing and Self Finding

Hello
I haven't been on but it's been the Holidays and hectic but hey really I needed some time to myself. You have no idea how relaxing it has been not having to worry about what I'm eating. I know it's bad and I've gained (I haven't weighed in so I don't know how much) but New Years is literally right around the corner and that's the time for resolutions. I know that's kind of following the crowd but you know what over these few weeks I've realized that it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter if I',m following a crowd or not! There are so many people out there obsessed with NOT following the crowd (like "I only read books that no one's heard of" WHAT?! What kind of preference is that!! And I'm not joking someone actually said that to me!)and people who MUST follow the crowd, they HAVE to shop at Hot Topic because that's what everyone else is doing or they have to shop at Abracrombie because that's what everyone is doing. But really we are the crowd whether we want to be or not. We are all in a crowd one was or another. Whether we're in the "I read books no one's heard of" crowd or the "I must wear the latest labels" crowd there is a "group" for that.
If you don't define yourself by anyone else's standers but your own then really you kind of are out of the crowd in a way. Sure there are people with maybe that same philosophy but no one is EXACTLY like you. I don't really know how to exactly say it but really I just need to find my own road. I don't want to think too much about how we all seem to follow some kind of group and if we are all unique then no one is actually unique. Then I get depressed hehe.
But after all this blah blah blah what I'm trying to say is yes I will keep trying to loose weight but I won't let embarrassment about my current size bother me anymore. Of course it won't just be as easy as flipping a switch. I will still cringe at pictures of me or suck it in when a cute boy comes around but I will try to not let it rule my life. I'm trying to change my weight for myself and I shouldn't be judged for that and even though I will be I will try to make sure that they won't define me.
I hope you are all still there, I still have most of my journey ahead of me and I hope by the end I will have entertained and inspired you maybe even just a little hehe.


Loves and Hugs,

Friday, December 2, 2011

I'm Baaaaack

Hey all!
I am soooo sorry I've been MIA lately! As I think I posted before my computer crashed. I thought it was going to be a simple fix but instead I had to go through the insurance process to get a new one. Yep new computer!! So here I am again!!
I guess I should update a little. Last time a weighted in I was 206 again!! That was a loss of 3lbs I think the week i weighed in so that is good.
I've changed my plan again, I think for the better. Before I was overeating then being like "Oh well let's just go work my ass off" well that would just balance my weight out or not even help it. Now I'm working out a min of 3 times a week and I've added some new little things to my workouts. Because of the weather and the winter coming I haven't been able to get out and ride or walk so instead on Sundays we're going to the horses and I'll ride there.
Now you might think "Riding a horse? HA! That's not a workout!" well then I say HA to you! and another HA! Because my thighs and stomach muscles hurt like HELL for three days afterwards! You have to grip with your legs and keep yourself up with her stomach muscles. At the time you won't notice it but afterwards you will.
Another thing is AirAligned
What is this you ask? Fist off I did my first lesson on Monday and my whole body still hurts today ON FRIDAY!!
Second here is the basics, I've only learned the first three moves she does (except I was able to touch the ground and I wasn't up in the air yet)
Of course to my favorite band Evanescence.
But this is working your WHOLE DAMN BODY! You're basically lifting your body weight into the air which for me means hoisting 206 lbs into the air by my arms or legs. Yeah it's intense but its HELLA FUN!! I've always wanted to do gymnastics but I always thought I was way too fat and I have no upper body strength. But I joined this because I have two friends from school who help and participate in the class and my little sister is in it too.
It's really fun but REALLY rare at least I think...
Of course all the other girls other than my friends who are average height and weight, are like 90lbs soaking wet and have been doing this for a little while. Great. Little girls in leotards and me.... yeah but its not competitive, the girls are really nice so far and there is no judgment. Over these last few weeks I realized that even if I get dirty look from people who think I'm to fat to workout or whatever they think (I mean really why would you think like that?!) I find that I'm there for myself not them and I am there to loose weight. So screw them and their negative thoughts and feelings. I'm here to make myself better not to make them happy.
So that's all for now
Tootles,

Friday, November 11, 2011

Hi Again

Sorry!! I haven't been on lately because of my missing computer. I haven't gotten it back and I don't think I will because it might be shot... ugh!! On the diet front I LOST 1.5 LBS THIS WEEK!! Yaay!! My trick this week? I focused on my eating! Crazy right? The past weeks have been bad because I'm trying to compensate for my bad eating with exercise then I give up on some days. But this week I've been watching my eating, not soda still (Even when eating out!!) and I have been eating meals and not just snacking.
Next I'm going to work on eliminating candy, like lollipops, chocolate, sour patch and whatever. I want to make something that tracks my sugar intake. Like I can only have a candy bar or no dessert unless its after dinner, counting how many cookies I eat instead of just eating and then guessing. Once I have gotten into good solid eating I will focus back on good exercises and normal exercise habits.
Let's see I would also like to actually start looking at professional blogs and see how they talk and write. I want to start making my blog look pretty in the way I write instead of just writing like it's a public journal and putting as much thought into it as a Facebook status.
Hopefully there is better posts to come and welcome to new readers!! Hope there's more to come!!

Tootles,

Monday, November 7, 2011

Computer be Gone

And come back as a super gaming computer that is super de duper fast. Yeah my computer wont start so im banned to my phone for blog posts. On the diet game I think its doing well. My mind has been on top of my eating which is good for once. Im counting how many cookies I have and I ACTUALLY got a vitamin water instead of soda today! Im so happy! My no soda streak has been the longest so far! I need to mark my streak down. Workout is okay. I went shopping today which is nice. I got new shoes and some winter clothing. Size 16 fits comfortably across all brands which was nice and my thighs are a lot smaller now. But we were out late so I didn't get to workout. Tomorrow though I plan to have a nice regular workout since I had 4 1/2 miles yesterday because I was sick I didn't do the full 6.
So that's what's up.
Ttyl hopefully on my computer!
Tootles,
LGMBarbie

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Can I Have a Medical Leave for a Broken Heart?

From school? I guess not since it was more of a self inflicted heartbreak. I know why it's called having a Crush because when you find out that they are infinitely happy with someone else it Crushes you. I knew it would happen, I hoped it wouldn't, but it did. It was the same one who I thought I saw in town and well it was confirmation and I fell ridiculous for hoping it wasn't. I thought I would keep my composure but I didn't when I went to bed. It just let it out and damn it felt good. Would of felt better if I had someone to let it out to but beggars can't be choosers right?
Well for more shitty news I gained .9 lbs. Thank God it wasn't more but still it was a gain. I'm super determined now though because of my broken heart. For once I'm not sitting there eating ice cream and crying my eyes out like this:
http://b1nd1.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=120#/d2h750d
 (P.S. Check out the link, B1nd1 is an amazing artist)
Instead I want to loose the weight. So if someone comes along that I like I will have the confidence to talk to them AT LEAST!!  The last few days haven't been real good either, I got sick so exercising has been crap. I got a few minutes in on the BowFlex yesterday and 31/2 miles today on the bike. eating has been on track for the most part so it's been good.
Well that's all I have to say hehe. I feel okay emotional and sickness wise so... lets hope tomorrow is better.




Tootles,

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Just a Bit and Some Evanescnce

Just a little news, I worked out finally today again. Other than that I ate well and worked for Dr. Mortis. Another thing is the fact that I almost fainted from not drinking enough water. Crazy thing is I had a dream of fainting last night so that was weird.
Anywho here's Evanescence day 21, 22, and 23 since I missed yesterday and I probably won't get on tomorrow because of Halloween and homework. UGH!!

Farther Away - Evanescence Fan Video
IDK if I did this already but here's Good Enough Official Video from Evanescence
Of course I saved the best for last, Sweet Sacrafice by Evanescence Official Video, this is perfect for Halloween Enjoy!!

Tootles,
HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Friday, October 28, 2011

Weigh In

So you know how I was talking about expecting to gain? Well I did, but you know what? I'm not torn up about it. I'm up 4.4 which sucks. But I think because I was expecting to gain it wasn't a big deal. Of course it's disappointing but I know I didn't do well and four days of exercise when I should have done 6 and drinking soda again totally helped the gain. But that just means I'm going to have to work harder. And no more soda!!
Ugh.

Evanescence day 19 and 20
Where Will you Go Fan Video
Official Video of What You Want by Evanescence one of the most recent releases.

tootles,

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Broke Ass

And not just money wise. My butt hurts!! From ridding mah bike. Yay I worked out today and I ate right!! Finally! Now lets see if we can keep this up, especially for the next few days which at the time i'm usually working out I'll be at the haunted house doing make up. I rode 6 miles today though, and tomorrow is weigh in. I not looking forward to it. I look bigger today and feel bigger today which sucks, but I'm bracing for the + sign, I hope OH I HOPE it will be - but I won't be completely destroyed if its a +. I think that's why I gave up last time, I had been doing so well then out of the blue I gained three then four then five pounds.
Ugh I hope tomorrow will start off good with a loss!!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Good Workout and PAINTS!

If you don't already know I'm an art student and always will be. But today I finally got my paints!! I have two canvases and some obscure colored painted but I went and got the "rainbow" colors and some glitter!! Yay!! I'm going to pain tonight maybe but when I finish it I'll scan it and show everyone!!
In other news I had a GREAT workout today but my eating.... sucked. It's like when I'm hungry and craving stuff it's like my mind goes blank. Lately I've been working towards fitting into this dress I own from my 8th grade graduation. It's really beautiful and timeless but I don't fit it. If I can't get the dress for my CDC then my goal will be to fir into that again.
I kicked ass with my workout today, I biked for 30-40 minutes then walked for another 20 then did my Bowflex for 10 minutes. That was good.
This is also my 100th post...
IDK WHAT TO DO!! I wish I could do a giveaway but I don't have anything and if I did I don't have the money to cover postage.
soooo.... OH
Does anyone want to get a picture done for them? I'm not too good with life like or animals but I can do some nifty stuff... I don't know if anyone would be interested but yeah that's all I can do lolololol.

Anywho Evanescence day 18
Your Star by Evanescence Fan Video

Tootles,

Modeling?

Don't get all excited, but my brother and sister were offered by a modeling company to go to their studio (of course). My dream is to model but I NEVER thought I could, now that I'm loosing weight I thought it might be something for the future.
My sister (bless her heart) asked if I could come to their "try out" or whatever it's called,  probably to indulge my little sister the lady said I could come, she also probably didn't think I was 206lbs. Another thing is my sister said their company works on the show "Shake it Up" for Disney. That's when my mood changed on the subject. They work with Disney?!
I wish I was farther along in my weight loss journey so I could at least have a chance at showing them what I've got. They'll probably take one look at me and go "She's got a pretty face, but she's not exactly what we're looking for," ya know in the way they talk like you're not in the room. But at least hire my brother or sister!! Modeling for Disney would be great for them and hopefully maybe great for me down the line.
I don't know what to expect on Saturday. Of course if it's near 4 I won't be going because of my Haunted House duty.
Can I just go off and fantasize for a minute?
Can I just pretend like it will go on like a dream and happen like I want it too?
Okay
We will walk in and they will see all three of us together and hire us on the spot. We will then be whisked off to LA where we'll get our pictures taken and sent to Disney who will like us so much that they call us before we walk out the door of the studios. They'll hire us for a new sitcom or something and we'll get our paycheck immediately and become famous and have a great Christmas and pay my grandmother off and our debt and whatever and live happily ever after, right RIGHT?! Then I will get hired to do movies for Disney after college. 
Yeah.
I wish.
Oh I didn't work out today again.... I know
Evanescence day 17
Snow White Queen

Tootles,

Monday, October 24, 2011

Holy Nut Muffins!!

I kicked my ass today. Really really kicked my ass. I biked for like 40-45 minutes up hill and down hill. It hurt so much!! But I did it and I drank water only after drinking soda for two days straight. I'm a little puffy but I know I worked hard today and ate right. So I think we're back on track. I'm wearing a dress today, I always was too uncomfortable to wear it and I bought it like a year or two ago yet I never wore it out in public. Tonight I actually will.
Sorry I didn't post the Evanescence Video yesterday. I was just too out of it.
In other news I found that I do want to run a 5K.
The 5K of my choice?
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!
I've been hearing about this for like months now but I never really thought about doing it. But I watched videos of it today and I thought "Hell! I can do that!!"
For those who don't know, it's basically a 5K with obstacles mixed with capture the flag football. You get I think 4-5 flags that you wear around your waist and run from zombies, all while throwing yourself through chain link fences and over hay bales.
Yes I said zombies.
If your flags run out you are "dead" but if you make it to the end with at least one flag you are "alive" idk if you get a prize if you survive but they had at the end a "Dead" or "Alive" side, it may be to see how many people survived but whatever.
If you guys have any suggestions on how to train for it I would be grateful hehehe!!
Here's the day 16 and 17


Cloud Nine by Evanescence

Weight of the World by Evanescence. I'm not sure if I've already done this.

Tootles,

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Ugh

I need to kick my ass tomorrow. I missed exercise AGAIN today, I woke up went to my class thing, then went to the hospital since my dad broke his toe. Now I'm home and it's 9pm and I don't feel good. You know when you're eating healthy and all then all of a sudden you start eating bad stuff and you just don't feel good ya know?
Well that's how I feel.
I need to get back on track tomorrow. I lost a lot  this week so I need to loose some more! I can't stop now!! Tomorrow is work my fat ass off, I'm think about a full hour on the bike and a half an hour on the bowflex. We'll see. Oh and the freaking homework ugh!!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Lazy Day

Oh where is my water!!
I had soda for the first time and weeks and by the end of the day I wanted my water back!!
We went to Claim Jumpers for lunch, It was so good!! I ate till I was full then we went to WalMart and then to JoAnns. We went to Sonic where I ate mozzarella sticks and had a Sonic milkshake thing or whatever. So yeah I ate a lot today but I also was on my feet most of the time. Tommorrow I'm going to have to kick my ass after the Haunted House "briefing" and movies WE'RE GOING TO SEE REAL STEAL YAAAAY!!
Anywho
Day 15 of Evanescence month
Lacramosa by Evanescence

Tootles,

Friday, October 21, 2011

Christmas Dress Update and Weigh In

If you haven't noticed already I have updated my weight tracker.
Today I weighed in at 206.7.
IS THAT CRAZAY OR WHAT?! I knew I was kicking my ass but I didn't know by that much?!
I've lost 3.3 lbs this week!!
I am so happy!!
I am currently at the lowest I've been in a VERY long time.
I'm also out of the teens!! Only 7lbs to go then I will hopefully *crosses fingers* be in the 190 range!!

I guess I should do what I set out to do in this post.
Christmas Dress Update!!
I think what really contributed to my weight loss for the past few weeks is the whole I'm-not-drinking-soda-like-it's-water thing. My household runs on Coke and for me personally Fanta Orange. But I haven't had any!! There have been major withdrawal moments where all I want is a can of orange soda but I've had to settle with... well water.
So That means the water part of the challenge is going awesome.

I exercise 6 days a week
I have been under (for the most part, yes I have gone over like twice I think) my caloric intake
and I've only had water, and maybe some milk here and there.

I've also noticed the tank tops and jeans I've been wearing are really loose.
That's all for now!
Here is Day 14 of Evanescence Month!!
A Fan video of Evanescence's Breath No More

Tootles,

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Sweepstaking

I am obsessed with it.
Have you ever seen the show "Extreme Sweepers" or something like that?
Now I don't want to make a career out of it or something but I just want to see if it's real ya know?
I want to see if I can ACTUALLY win something for once.
I entered a lot today.
It started with the Teen Vogue site's Win It section.
I entered yesterday.
Then today I just got this itch to enter to win stuff, with my luck though? I probably won't win but that doesn't mean I should loose hope!! Ya know what gives me hope?
This guy
OH YEAH!
By the way, here's Evanescence day 13!
Fan Video of My Last Breath by Evanescence

UPDATE
HOLY SHIZNIPPLES OF FUDGENUT FREEDOM FIGHTING.
Yeah. Good workout.
Oh and I have a new tab, it's called My Story. I finally got around to making it. I'll try to get some pics up but for now its like I barfed raw emotion all over it. So yeah. You can see it here
Tootles,

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Oh My Sweety Pie

Today I think I was a bad girl.
I mean I slacked on working out for some reason. Grrr.
Of course it's BITCH WEEK again.
I mean wtf?! It's been like two weeks since the last one. Oh whatever.
But tomorrow is going to be work my ass off day. Possibly doing biking and walking both.
Let's hope *fingercross*
Oh well.
Here's day 12 of Evanescence

Evanescence's Missing unofficial video

Tootles,

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Day 11 and WINNING

I AM DOING IT for the first time!! I won Amethyst's contest for the 2012 Llewellyn Herbal Almanac and a mug!! This is perfect for fall and winter because I LOVE tea. I used to hate it but about three years ago I started to love it. It's also my main replacement for soda. Which is great.
On another note, WE GOT MY KITTEN TODAY!!  Little baby Jinxy!! Like from Warehouse 13. He's 6 weeks old and adorable. I'll post pictures when I get to uploading it.
Anyway day 11 for Evanescence month!!
Another unofficial video of Hello by Evanescence

Tootles,

Monday, October 17, 2011

BowFlex Update and All this Stuff

I've gone up 5lbs from my previous amount of weight, I went from 25 to 30 which is awesome, I'm still only doing 40 lbs on the resisted sit ups and my lower back has been killing me all day.
For dinner I made Shrimp stir fry, shrimp, pea pods (idk what kind), green beans, and mushrooms in a garlic sesame sauce. It tasted like take out from some family owned Chinese restaurant!! I know how to make some kind of Asian dish now!!
In other news... well there's not much other news.... hmmm. OH I have no school this week! Yay!! So yeah that's about it. Oh and Evanescence day 10.

This is Lithium by Evanescence. Another great official video by Evanescence, you need to watch it.

Tootles,

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Christmas Dress, Old Shorts, and Art Tour

A very very good day today.
I woke up at like 10 or so, ate got dressed and there is where the first good thing happened. It was hot today (Thank got it's not in the 90s but for fall it was hot out) so I was looking for shorts. I couldn't find my shorts so I looked in this pile of sweatshirts. I found an old pair of shorts. I don't know what possessed me to put them on but I did. I wasn't even thinking. I just wanted shorts! These shorts haven't fit me in years. I haven't looked at the tag so I don't know what size they are. But it was an amazing feeling. No shimmying, no sucking in, no stuffing. Just sliding in and zipping up. It was amazing. I bounced around my room. I left the house feeling awesome. I also ate right and well that leads me to my next subject which is the Art Tour. All today we went around our town to different studios, talked to people, I had an assignment to interview three artists and take pictures. Well we went to about 6 different places one of them featuring around 10 artists by itself. In all we saw about 24 artists today. It was so much fun and it really solidified my decision of being an art student. I think, when you can't imagine why someone wouldn't want to do what you do, is when you know you are in the right place. I also finally have ideas for what I want for Christmas. Because of limited funds we have to put things on layaway now for Christmas that way we can HAVE a Christmas.
And that brings us to The Christmas Dress Update, with the shorts thing I think it's going really well. I mean I've at least dropped a size in shorts so how is the rest of me going? Plus my tops are looser so yeah good good.

And for day 8 and 9!! (Ya see what happens is I open up a new post and go to write and sometimes write a little something then close it and think I post it so whatev.)

This is Before the Dawn which is from Evanescence's first album I believe. Enjoy!!

This is Lies which is another from their first albums. These also aren't official videos either so yeah.

Tootles,

Friday, October 14, 2011

Weigh in!!

The Wii must be broken cause it says my weight is 210. wtf. BUT DUDE!! BACK TO MY WEIGHT LOSS NESS!! OMG!! I'm not complaining. I have been working my big ass off this week. Like really really hard. Now I can actually have breakfast.
Now for the 7th day of Evanescence month
This is just an unofficial video since this song doesn't have a music video. Just some photos people put togeather but go ahead and listen to the music!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Falling Alseep

So let's make this short a sweet
Happy 5th and 6th day *since I missed yesterday* of Evanescence month!!

Call me When You're Sober by Evanescence
Good Enough By Evanescence (beautiful video!)

Tootles,

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Eat More Chocolate, Have Less Strokes

Yeah I saw this on this mornings news that said women who ate more chocolate were less likely to have a stroke. Hahahaha I like it.
Anywho today was intense workout day. I biked at least two miles, but most of it was uphill. It was gradual and it sucked but I felt really accomplished by the end and was able to fly down the other side. I only got off once to walk my bike up the hill. Then after I walked a half a mile afterwards. Needless to say I was sweaty after and I did a few minutes on the bowflex after. I really hope this is all paying off. I'll be weighing in on Friday so it will be a whole week. *fingers crossed*
Other than that I had an awesome day at school, had fun. I also finished my math which is awesome. All my teachers liked my hair, said I looked very Rosie Riveter which was cool since that was what I was going for. So all in all a good day!!

Day Four of Evanescence Month with My Immortal
Tootles,

Monday, October 10, 2011

Day Three!!

Of Evanescence month!! Yay! So before that I guess I should recap my day. I started out waking up at noon, as usual since last night I turned everything off at 9:30 and did fall asleep until 1 FREAKING AM!! God I try to get to sleep early but what happens? My brain doesn't shut off!! So yeah, hopefully tonight I'll go to sleep! Other than that it's raining so no bike ride and I'm forbidden from my treadmill by my doctor because of my knee. So onto the BowFlex I went and had a nice workout. Thank God for that thing or I would be stuck on the floor doing normal sit ups and shit. So yay!!
Anything else.... nope think that's it.
Onto the music!!

Day three I present Bring Me To Life
Tootles,

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Oh Boy!

I feel so happy today!! I worked my ass off today!! Isn't this always how it is? You start out and you feel awesome? Like a honeymoon period of a workout plan. But anywho I found out I can ride a bike!! I am so happy! I can finally go fast again! Since I can't run. It was so nice to feel the breeze and fly by the places I used to huff past on foot. I got to fight up the small hill, it was so funny, since I was out in public and my brother was riding in front of me I was huffing and puffing up the hill, making myself not get off and walk it up and saying (quietly and partly in my head) "For all those people who think you can't do it, to show people I'm not just a fat ass who eats hohos and watches tv all day, for all those skinny bitches who look at me like I'm lower than them, to all those shirts that don't fit!" and I got up it and got to fly down the other side. The best part of riding a bike. After about a half hour of that I got to get on my BowFlex and do that for a half an hour. So a solid hour of workout today and controlled eating.
I like this because after all the dreading and sadness of gaining I can finally get back to the real deal.
So after that it is the end of the workout segment and onto
DAY TWO OF 23 DAYS OF EVANESCENCE!!
Presenting Everybody's Fool by Evanescence
Tootles,

Stitch by Nicki!

So this is a fabulous giveaway by Stitch By Nicki of whom I found through Poison. You can follow the Poison link to the rules of the giveaway! Check out Nicki's facebook page above and see all of her adorable crafts!

Saturday, October 8, 2011

31 I Mean 23 Days of Evanescence

I came up with this a few days ago, I wish I had done it earlier so I could do a full 31 days, but since I didn't here are 23 days of my favorite band of all time.
I've loved Evanescence since like 9.... maybe 10 years old.
The band is an Alternative Gothic genre so, in the spirit of Halloween I thought I'd post the videos and songs of, in my opinion, the best band on earth.
But before that though today was my second day on the bowflex and I think it was great today. I think what happened yesterday was that I wasn't into it very much, I was still not eating right (I had like seven pieces of bacon, yeah I know) so I just didn't have a good workout. But today I felt it, it was a good workout and I could feel my muscles working. So yeah that was nice and I started eating right again. YAY FOR STARTING GOOD!!
And now here is Going Under by Evanescence kicking off day one!!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Got my Ass Kicked by an Inanimate Object

Okay not that much.
Arm wise it was quite a workout, stomach... not so much. I think when I get better and have better form I will burn it more but for now it was a good start.
I didn't put much effort either so hopefully it's not going to be as disappointing as it seems today.

Other than that I didn't do much, but I did do something though....
I did *gulp* before pictures!!
DUNDUNDUN!!
Find them Here

Tootles,

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Yummy yummy in Mah Tummy

So I made dinner tonight, I didn't use a recipe I just basically made it up as I went along. I made Corn and Mushroom...mix or something, I don't know what to call it. And I made a Chicken, tomato and bacon idk what to call it. Here I took pictures.

Chicken in the pan

Mushrooms and Corn

End plate

So yeah that's what was for dinner tonight!! In other news, I went to the doctors, good news my knee is doing fine. bad news: my weight is 221lbs. Good news also though I'm in Bitch week (yeah last week was a flook or something, according to my doctor I'm still "developing and regulating" so basically it means Bitch week can be three days or two weeks. FUN RIGHT?! So that means bloating, bigger boobs and well that one little present.
But other than that, I haven't gotten back up to where I was originally which means I'm not completely starting over. All in all I good day.

Yeah So that's about it!!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

OOhhhhmmmmm.... OOhhhhmmmmm...

Shhhhh
I'm trying not to freak out.
I haven't exercised in God knows how long and I have to get weighed at my doctors appointment. Oh dear lawdy. I think I'm more disappointed in myself about not finding the time to exercise, I know I have been using our completely hectic scheduled but really I should be trying harder.   I just need to take a few breaths, relax and plan. Tomorrow night I might be able to finally get on that bowflex and use it, if not Friday is the day I plan on doing it. This weekend is *knock on wood* freed up so I hope this is the time to start again.

In Christmas Dress Challenge, well I bet you can guess how that's going. I don't want to give up, I want to look good in that dress but I don't think that I'll be able to do it by Christmas!!

In good news I have October break coming up in two weeks, what does that mean? I have free range to work out as much as I can. So once again let's take a few OOOOHHHHMMMMM moments.
There we go.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Photos!!

No not before photos I haven't even gotten there yet today. But I do have some stuff from the Celtic Festival!! So sit back and enjoy.
My sister loves horses, and love is an understatement. These are the Painted Ladies I believe.



Me and my sister at the Celtic Festival, I don't know why I look so depressed though lol I was so happy!



Shopping Day!!

Gosh I am so proud of my mom and I!!
We go on a huge shopping trip every month for food. Now usually we go and whatever we see that we like we pick up and throw it in the cart, I think this is why our eating has been so bad cause we say "Oh that looks good! Throw it in the cart! Oh yeah totally lets get that!" Then we get home with mostly just snacks rather than real meals and they end up being mostly junk.
But today we planned meals on the way down, I got a cool new app on my phone just called Recipes and I believe it's by cooks.com or some site like that. You can look up recipes and then create a checklist of the ingredients you need to buy. So I have two dinners lined up and got the ingredients. Then other than that I bought some Fiber One + Antioxidants Yogurt Berry something-or-other. Tea for sleeping better, tomorrow is start over day and I am hella ready.
Our shopping cart to car to fridge is stocked with fresh veggies and healthy grains.
I'm excited and had an awesome day. Tomorrow I'll try out the bowflex and maybe take some before pictures.
SO all in all a great start to a new beginning/rebirth lololololol.

tootles,

Sunday, October 2, 2011

I Have the Best Bloodlines EVER!!

So the main parts of my heritage are Irish and Italian (of course naturally beefy people right ugh!) and today instead of going camping for my birthday we went to the Celtic Festival!! I've been talking about this for the past few days. We finished my outfit today and I wore it, I'll try and find the cord to download the photos from my camera since it has run away and I can't find it.
It was amazing there, the people, the atmosphere, the food, the music, everything was WONDERFUL!! I had so much fun I got to get a fairy blessing and placed a wish on the tree for the fairies to take and make true!
I totally believe in fairies I'm kind of like those crazy alien believers but cooler.
But anyways I had an amazing time, if you haven't heard of the Young Dubliners you suck cause their awesome and I just saw them in concert cause they were playing at the festival. They were amazing and if I find the cord I'll upload some of their awesome songs that they played.
It was pretty awesome.
In other awesome news we got our bowflex today!! OH I'M SO HAPPY!! Of course I might not get to use it till fricken Friday since I will be thrown into another hectic week. But I'm totally pumped for it. If I have time I'll set it up and watch maybe part of the dvd or read the workouts or whatever. I'm pondering whether or not to write down my progression with it on here. I read an article thing on ehow for beginners with bowflex and how you should record each session so that later on you can watch your progress. I might as well post posts about them and then have a page recording my progress. I might also be changing formats/layout so if things change on my page don't panic.
That is the awesomesauce shiz that has happened.

Tootles,

Friday, September 30, 2011

Come on BowFlex!

I want the BowFlex to come on!! I need to work out!! I know I know I could be giving some effort before it but I haven't and actually it has been a very enlightening experience. I didn't notice before but even if I wasn't dropping pounds every week yet I was still eating right and keeping up with some kind of exercise that I felt a lot better. Lately I have been breaking out, feeling greasy, not sleeping right, and feel really REALLY heavy all the time. Like literally I feel heavier than last time like I ate a dumbbell or something.
I never thought I would miss working out!! But I do! And I've found that after noon I start to go downhill with my eating, I'll start out great. Eating good portions, good food, but by dinner I'm horking down anything that's set out in front of me. It's bad, I need to get back on plan again. *sigh*

Tootles,

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Bad Dreams and Blur of a Day

Yeah today sucked, well not in "I had a horrible day" but rather in "I'm so flippin tired I'm going to fall over" kind of way. I went to sleep at 11 and woke up at like 10, that should be more than enough time to sleep. Well when you have bad dreams and wake up twice its not such a great sleep. So I wake up and like I feel like a total zombie. All day like "Ahhhhrg what?" then I would fall asleep... no not really but I felt like it.
2 days and counting till BowFlex
Christmas Dress Challenge, on the eating end, it's going great,  but the work out part not so well.
Celtic Festival dress going well!!

Tootles,

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Just a Bit

Some little things about now. I realized something weird, I keep thinking of my final goal reaching an event, like it's planned and will be coming soon. Like a movie or show. I don't know how to feel about this, am I just waiting for the weight loss to come on its own or am I just excited? I don't even know. Its so strange how you can feel something emotionally yet not know why or what it means.
So yeah that's it, started sewing today, hopefully it will be done by tomorrow night or friday morning. I'll post some picture of that and the festival along with (and don't hold me to this) before pictures for my weight loss. I admire all those who can take their pictures and post them openly. That is one of my biggest fears of weight loss but hey we all have to get over them right? So yeah that's whats up. Lets hope for a good weekend!!
3 days and counting till BowFlex!!

Tootles,

BowFlex Update and Celtic Fair

I have two pieces of news. The first is WE ARE GETTING THE BOWFLEX!! AND I LEARNED HOW TO SPELL IT! So yeah that's awesome. A completely new unused bowflex with the training dvd. All that for free from a friend (Who is totally fit anyways) who doesn't like looking at it in his bedroom anymore. For the most part right now I don't care what my mother thinks about it since mentioning it she went quiet and cranky. So Whatever I will use it. She wants to throw a hissy fit well then *talk to the hand* anywho I'm really excited for it, we're picking it up on Saturday so that is going to be the awesome hugh ass starting day or restarting day for it. Yes I'm moving the restarting date again.
Weight Watchers.... really?
One last think before I get onto more exciting news. A friend well really my Aunt she is so close to us, took this picture of a slice of Weight Watchers bread. So all of those who are on it and it works good for you but I think it's kind of a farce (I love that word!!) I mean this is just hilarious to me.

Anywho lets continue to the next bit of news, I'm going to the Celtic Festival!! I'm so very excited and the best part is I'm going to be dressing up! We bought some fabric today and we're going to work on it all tomorrow. I'll take some pictures after we buy the bodice on Friday since that's one thing we don't want to make ourselves, it's so hard to make one that we might as well leave it to the professionals.
So that's that. Good news all around. Hopefully some more good news later on this week.

Tootles,
                

Monday, September 26, 2011

BoFlex, Yes or No?

So a friend just offered us a new never been used BoFlex, idk how it's spelled but I'm really thinking about saying yes. It's got these cool ankle things if I remember correct which would help with strengthening my knee. I've been looking for something to help with my workout and what happens? Blessings eh? So I think I'm going to tell my dad yes (since he asked me if I could use it) and we can put it in the sun room! Then I can walk on our treadmill and do the bowflex! I hope this works out.
What do you all think? Should I? Have you ever had a friend use one or used one yourself? If so how was it?
Update later!!
Byebye!

Sucky New Day

Yeah.
So today ended suckishly. It was a great morning, where I actually woke up before noon, I ate a good breakfast (Other than discovering that the bacon was bad X<) then I had a nice lunch at an appropriate time. Then everything went down hill. I made a homemade Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo, the sauce is basically made of milk and fat. I ate so much of that (cause well I love my own food XD). So then I went on a walk came back and did some crunches. I'm finding that by the time that I'm on the floor for my other exercises I really REALLY don't want to do it!! My body is like rebelling against it!. So I think what I'm gonna have to do it do the treadmill and do 2 miles one day then a shat load of calisthenics.  I think I'm just at that point now so yeah!
it's really frustrating.
Let's revisit Mr. Armstrong.
.
.
.
.
.
Okay I feel better!!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

A Whole Lot of Lots and a Little Bit of Armstrong

Yes this week has been hectic, and I stress the word week. It's only been a week! I feel like it's been two to three weeks! And I'm actually relieved since I've been teetering on the edge of just failing at my dieting. So I'm back on and tomorrow is going to be a whole new week.
I'm really into this I guess "Restart After A Break" because I didn't 100% quit. I'm revisiting Mr. Armstrong:
I love Armstrong!! He is totally my weight loss icon!! I love him so much!! And for those of you unfamiliar... it's from an anime called Fullmetal Alchemist. And it's awesome.... anyways.
In other news last night I was just getting to bed when from my right hip to my right ankle began to scream at me off and on. I called my mom since I couldn't go to her room since I could barely walk it hurt so much. She came in gave me some icey hot stuff and an ice pack for my knee. Oh and some advil. I pinched a nerve in my lower back. So yeah. That's what's been up!! ttyl
tootles!!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Walk At Home GIVEAWAY!

Hey yall!! So Diaries of a Fat Girl is doing a little giveaway, well not really little and one of the requirements is to blog about it. So here I am!
Here's the info copied from her blog:
  • 2-mile Super Walk DVD; approximately 35-minute run time
  • Eating a Healthy Breakfast DVD; approximately 30-minute run time
  • 3-mile Super Walk DVD; approximately 45-minute run time
  • Eating a Healthy Lunch DVD; approximately 30-minute run time
  • 4-mile Super Walk DVD; approximately 58-minute run time
  • Eating a Healthy Dinner DVD; approximately 30-minute run time
  • Mini Walks DVD; approximately 60-minute run time
  • Two approximately 26"L workout-boosting cables
  • 21-day eating plan



Do at least one of the following to be entered:


  • You must follow my blog Diaries of a Fat Girl (you have to follow to be entered, this is mandatory)
  • Like "Leslie Sansone Walk at Home" on Facebook
  • Blog about this giveaway
  • Comment on this post to let me know you would like to be entered, if you are now following Leslie and if you wrote about this giveaway
The giveaway is open from now until Wednesday September 27 at midnight West Coast time (9pm for the east coasters) 
So go go go!! <3

Bitch Week is being a... Well Bitch

Yeah, that about rounds it all out.
I am having almost everything that comes with Bitch Week. I'm bloating and retaining water like no ones business, I'm having the worst mood swings, I'm fatigued, acne and of course the hall important main point of Bitch Week. It's just so angering!!
I mean I don't have cramps THANK GOD! But really?
Not only are women cursed with acne, cramps, and whatever other shit they can throw at us but they give us mood swings and make us fat...ER! Really? I'm already fat enough now you bloat me and curse me with a bad attitude? Nice. Just nice.
I really don't want to be out in public until this is over but I have to cause of the Draft Horse Classic and my brothers working there.
And of course they have yummy fatty food. Garlic fries, cotton candy, caramel corn, shiz like that. AND THEY HAVE A PIE STAND!! OMFG!! Want want want!! And shaved ice, but thats like low calorie right? It's ice which is frozen water and my favorite bubblegum flavoring!! So yeah that's what's going on.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Christmas Dress Challenge

So thanks to the lovely Poison over at A New Poison, I heard about this lovely little challenge. This would be my first weight loss challenge which is perfect timing. I turned 17 on the 17th and the challenge started yesterday, a perfect time to start over. So the rules are simple.
1. Pick a dress in the size of your goal if your an XL and want to be a M (like me) then pick a dress in said size.
2. Set s healthy caloric intake
3. Exercise at least 3x a week
4. Drink water
Then post a first post with your current size, a picture of your dress (on the rack, at home or off the internet depending on whether you've bought it or not) weight and your goal.
I did not create this all the credit goes to Sarah at Fat So Sarah: A Weight Loss Journey.
So here's my standing.
Current weight: 210
Current size: L/XL
Goal size: M
Dress:
Click Me!
So it won't let me copy the picture so yeah XD click above
Tell Poison SARAH you are joining and link her your first post!



Sunday, September 18, 2011

Peanut Butter and Pickles

Must be Bitch Week again!!

Beautiful Birthday

I had an A-MAZ-ING birthday with mah fam. And not a MFP, measuring tape, or scale in site!! And dammit it was such a fabulous time!! I felt normal and not stressed. It was like a totally new life. I can't wait till the day I don't have to pour over this shit.

Friday, September 16, 2011

17th Birthday!!

Is tomorrow and what am I doing for my birthday wish. NOTHING! Oh yeah! NO calorie counting, no exercising, and NO weighing in!! Yaaaay! Yay for slacking on my birthday!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Shit's hit the fan

And I really hate it.
I mean what the fuck did we do wrong? scuse de french but seriously!
It seems God, Fate or whoever the Hell runs this place is pissed at us or something and wants us to suffer. I really feel that way. I've live YEARS with this kind of shit and really it hasn't gotten better. Yes I have had a lot of blessings but the cons seem to outweigh the pros. It really is starting to make me feel like we are just stupid insignificant specs that don't deserve anything! I am so determined to get out of high school  and make money and a name for myself so that I can give whoever is trying to keep me and my family down the big fat finger. Sorry but that's how I feel right now and I'm working on not apologizing for what I feel or who I am. So there.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Awesome Day

I had an awesome day today, I got to feel the love from my two teachers. I had come out of the bathroom at school and they were telling eachother that
"Cassie is awesome!" now I was totally oblivious cause there's another girl named Cassie but then they called me over and told me that I was awesome and talented and what not and it was the best feeling ever for me. It was crazy and I was so honored to have people think of me like that. Then I had to do like a review of people's stories in creative writing, two stories actually and so the two I was reviewing reviewed mine and each others. They liked my work, that was so amazing for me cause I just thought my mom and teacher like it, that's in no one outside of my little bubble will like it blah blah blah but they did! Someone I barely knew liked my work!! Yay!! I know that being an author is what I'm meant to do and the haters can hate but there are some that like my work!! Yay!!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Great Great Day!

So I was home alone for the night since my family went camping, I didn't sleep very well and didn't get out of bed until noon, but when I got up I had a fiber one chewy bar and then I walked 7/10ths of a mile on the dreadmill then I showered and ate breakfast. I felt so proud of myself!! I'm going to go for an actual walk tonight since it's so nice outside!! It is cloudy and cool, and NOT HUMID! Which means it's so freaking awesome outside. SO I'm going to take the small doggy out (He freaking loves his walks! He gets so excited!) and go around the neighborhood, I'm not going to let the numbers get me down this time. My mom said that for a few weeks instead of weighing in we'll measure in. It's not as accurate for me but we'll see what the numbers say in a few weeks. Let's hope their good! I'm also detoxing from soda, I haven't had one in two days which is good, I'm having tea instead which is nice.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Muscle.... Riiiiight

So yeah I gained 1.1 pound. Really? Fudge!!! My mom says her and dad can see it but of course I can't she also says its muscle, and I did just start doing weights but I don't completely know if 4 lbs over 2 weeks is all muscle. I have been a little off but.... 4 lbs?
Ugh yeah so it hasn't been good but I'm trying. I think soda was also a contributing factor. But I have lost inches. At least from my first 226 weight, I was 46 inches now I'm 42 (at night) or 40 (in the morning) so I guess that's positive right?

Friday, September 9, 2011

Shopping!!

So my Birthday is only about a week away and today I went to walmart with my mom, it wasn't really birthday shopping but I got a few little things. Well technically I didn't "get anything" wink wink nudge nudge. But I got some replacement make up and stuff. But I walked a lot then I went for a walk at home in the steamer that was the outside world. Then I did my workout and now I'm going to go drink some magic drank that helps me sleep. night night.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Didn't Post

Most Likely over ate. Shit.
So today has been good so far, only had a sandwich and a slice of lemon bread. But I think I'm having pizza for dinner so that'll be s dump on my diet oh and guess what! No walk! Yeah No walk! Know why? Cause we have to truck out to a freaking hell hole on earth for a long ass promotion for my sister. Not that I don't love my sister and am glad shes ranking up and all that shiz but I really don't want to go out there. Really don't.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I've Found It!

The reason I'm a shitty weight loser! I just realized that When I stop posting on my blog I put on weight!! When I don't have to answer to someone (in this case something) I eat and I don't give a shit. So like those 3 pounds really really put my down. It's amazing how three measly pounds, a number could completely drag me down to the gates of Hell. Well I'm back again and I'm determined to get those lbs back off! Years from now when I'm successful and skinny and rocking the world I can look back at these and go "Wow, I remember when I used to feel like that,"
To round it all off, I need to add posting on my blog to my dayly list. Answer to someone. Record. Do it. Loose those lousy pounds!!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Sorry Sorry Sorry!!

To all those who are visiting I probably just totally botched my first impression which is why I'm writing this sorry note. Weight loss is a pain in the ass but that doesn't give me the right to totally blow up. I have a tendency of exploding with anger, sadness, pain, happiness, and excitement without thinking before doing so. Writing and drawing is my main outlet for these emotions and sometimes I don't know when to hold back and when to let it out. So again I'm sorry for my cursing and bad attitude, it's so weird how a number on a scale can get me so pissed! And after thinking about it for a bit I realized that it really wasn't that much compared to all that I've lost. I just need to work twice as hard to loose this weight.
Once more I am sorry and I will be more positive and try not to blow up.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Hello Again

Yeah I'm here again my life has been totally thrown off with our houses owner coming to town. We have to clean the house like crazy so I haven't been going on my walks. Sooooo I've been doing my sit ups and shit. Also I filled a laundry detergent bottle with water to I guess.... simulate a weight. Yeah I'm "Toning" my arms for basically free.
So yeah I need to get back on track, not the track you might think though. I've been eating right and trying to exercise as much as I can I just need sleeping and homework to be worked into my sched.
I'm watching EASY A OMG I COULDN'T WAIT FOR THIS MOVIE TO COME OUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

17 DAYS

UNTIL MY 17TH BIRTHDAY!!!
YAAAAAY!! I'm so excited!
Yeah.
So it's that time again!! Time to be a year older! I hope I can keep my enthusiasm of birthdays till the day I die!!
Another unfortunate occurrence of September is 9/11.
I saw a beautiful programs (one of the ones they have on the many channels) and I cried today.
Probably cause I can see the spirits standing there, waiting. It's so heartbreaking yet powerful and uplifting.
This kind of sucks as a 50th post

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Jumping Back In.

So back in school. I have my classes basically from Tuesday through Thursday since I have a therapy art class on wed. Other then that my official classes are on Tuesday and Thursday. English and creative writing were today and I felt so happy to see my lovely mentor/teacher Kim Culbertson. She is a published author of two books and I would highly recommend her.
She is a lovely person who is helping me through this difficult writing experience. So anywho, yeah today was great.
I need to pick a book to read for a personal at home read and with this this nifty new device that has amazon kindle on it I can download and read books. One that im starting to get into is "Diary of a Psychic" which is just so intriguing.
So that's what's up. Tootles!

Monday, August 29, 2011

New Phone!

So at the moment I am using the droid 3 to post this! I am so happy with it!  You can expect some video diaries soon since I basically have a mini computer + camcorder. I have a face time camera so I can watch my self as I film. And take weight loss pictures.

Monday Weigh In

So, today was weigh in
And
the
weight
was
*drumroll*
210!!
I HAVE LOST 16LBS ALL TOGETHER AND 3.5 LBS THIS WEEK!!
ohemgee you have no idea how happy I am to hear that!! Just last night I kicking my ass, calling myself fat, loser, blob. And woke up depressed cause of bad dreams and bad sleep (I slept better on a blow up mattress in the woods) so I thought, might as well just weigh in.
I guess you do get rewarded for being good.
And all that swimming probably didn't hurt.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!

Time to beat myself over the head with a mallet! Yay! A spectacle that you can all enjoy!! So I didn't gain nor loose anything last week so that should be motivation to stay on track and keep going right? Wrong.
Between Pie and Ice Cream for breakfast and KFC for dinner today was a bad day to be on a diet. This isn't just weight loss, it's detoxing and relapsing. It's an addiction, it really is! I always knew that people had food addictions, and like drugs or alcohol some people need help in getting off of it. And when I say people I say me.
Sure there's those fancy weight loss camps that if your rich you can truck your fat ass off to and get skinny and that's all fine and great. Good for you! But for those of us who don't have the time or money well rehab is just not an option, and yes I know the people who go there have emotional problems and need counseling and stuff. And I have no problem with them really I don't! I find it inspirational when they loose all the weight but.... I'm only 16, I don't have the resources, time, or money to hike my fat ass to a nice rehab center where they take the crap away and help me ease into the healthy lane. I have to do it myself.
There are no pills
There are no shots
I can walk into a grocery store, I don't need to find a drug dealer
I don't need to go to a bar
I don't need to be a certain age
We can go anywhere and get food see food
It's not illegal to eat food
Food is the cheapest, safest, and easiest addiction to obtain.
Comparatively.
I don't think people realize that. They look at someone over weight and write them off as lazy and sloppy. I watched Taboo about Sizes I believe. They said a survey showed that people are completely sexist of fat people. They look at pictures of overweight men and say things such as "Cuddly, warm, sweet," and see a woman and say "Lazy, Slob, Ugly"
I guess I'm just ranting since I'm angry at myself.
And I'm finally admitting to, Yes I have a problem. I'm addicted to food.
I read about thinking before eating. Rather then just compulsively eating. And I've found that I fight myself.
"I don't need it,"
"I shouldn't be eating this,"
"I should just do the smaller order,"
"Just eat half"
Then my other half says
"C'mon it's just a little,"
"You deserve it,"
"You've been good,"
"You'll just burn it off when you go for your walk,"

Yeah it's bad. Like I said it's an addiction. I want my hit, I give excuses to get my figurative "high" then I regret it. Although I haven't found myself eating because of emotion, I just want it. Although I could be, it's a possibility. I usually eat out of boredom.
So that's my ranting for today.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Bitch Week!

Yep it's that time again! I'm actually glad that it is, I only weighed myself like 2 days ago? Which means I was already bloating. I know that's an excuse for not loosing weight in the last two weeks but hey, we all make excuses right? So that's that, I'm finally making a come back with my walking, I got started late last night so I didn't go the full mile maybe half. But today I did a whole!! It was a lot harder getting back into the swing of things. EatingS been under control but I have been getting HELLA CRAVINGS at night. I didn't really think about it then realized that it's THE WEEK.
So I hope there are no guys reading this and cringing but hey it happens.

Hocus Pocus

Why are they showing that movie in August? I don't really know since we have 2 1/2 months until Halloween. Oh well I love it just the same. But I never knew that MCGEE WAS IN THE MOVIE!! Yeah, NCIS fan here. Sorry. But yeah he's the little ghost boy.
I was freaking out about it at like 10:30 last night. My dog thought I was going insane.
So anywho I have something that I've been obsessing over. And that is the WDWCP and the DLCP. What do these random letters stand for?
WhatDoWackyCaterpillarsPlay? DoLovelyCatsPray? No no no.
Walt Disney World College Program and the Disneyland College Program.
I've been obsessing over these two since.... 06? Yeah around that time. And I am so excited to go! Just a little over half a year!! OMG!!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Running and Chickens

So first order of business on this second post of the day was running. I saw a poster today for the 9/11 5k run. I think I know what my aim is for next year. My birthday is Sept 17th so that's my 18th birthday wish (next year) is to walk it. Hopefully. Maybe even jog some. I mean I have a whole year to do it so you never know! I could be a runner by then but ya never know!! So that's for running and the next order is.

Chickens
Now I really want to educate people on this.
I had a lot of questions during the fair about the different kinds of birds.
Now take your standard Buff Orpington
This is a normal everyday chicken, now this is not the same thing as a Cornish Meat Hen. These typically are what I like to call "Pet" chickens or egg laying chickens. They eat bugs and lay eggs and well are for the most part friendly. We do NOT eat these. At least most people don't unless they are the main source of food. Other chickens like this either lay eggs or are show chickens. And for the most part are not eaten.
Now these chickens are meat chickens, they are grown for meat. They are genetically made to be meat chickens, they only live for a few months, if their lucky a year. When they grow to a certain age they need to be butchered, and I mean NEED to be butchered. They begin to break down, their feathers begin to fall out, they get sores, bruises, and eventually their organs begin to shut down. The next time you go to bite into warm crispy piece of fried chicken, don't think "Oh poor chicken, I wonder how it felt to get your head chopped off!" rather think about how miserable life would be for it if it naturally lived out it's life. Falling apart slowly and painfully.
So many people were asking about why/if we chop up beautiful chickens when really we don't. We keep these and they eventually die of naturally causes.
Just a little info if you've ever wondered where your chicken meat comes from.