Eat More Chocolate, Have Less Strokes

Yeah I saw this on this mornings news that said women who ate more chocolate were less likely to have a stroke. Hahahaha I like it.
Anywho today was intense workout day. I biked at least two miles, but most of it was uphill. It was gradual and it sucked but I felt really accomplished by the end and was able to fly down the other side. I only got off once to walk my bike up the hill. Then after I walked a half a mile afterwards. Needless to say I was sweaty after and I did a few minutes on the bowflex after. I really hope this is all paying off. I'll be weighing in on Friday so it will be a whole week. *fingers crossed*
Other than that I had an awesome day at school, had fun. I also finished my math which is awesome. All my teachers liked my hair, said I looked very Rosie Riveter which was cool since that was what I was going for. So all in all a good day!!

Day Four of Evanescence Month with My Immortal

Tootles,

Bitch Week is being a... Well Bitch

Yeah, that about rounds it all out.
I am having almost everything that comes with Bitch Week. I'm bloating and retaining water like no ones business, I'm having the worst mood swings, I'm fatigued, acne and of course the hall important main point of Bitch Week. It's just so angering!!
I mean I don't have cramps THANK GOD! But really?
Not only are women cursed with acne, cramps, and whatever other shit they can throw at us but they give us mood swings and make us fat...ER! Really? I'm already fat enough now you bloat me and curse me with a bad attitude? Nice. Just nice.
I really don't want to be out in public until this is over but I have to cause of the Draft Horse Classic and my brothers working there.
And of course they have yummy fatty food. Garlic fries, cotton candy, caramel corn, shiz like that. AND THEY HAVE A PIE STAND!! OMFG!! Want want want!! And shaved ice, but thats like low calorie right? It's ice which is frozen water and my favorite bubblegum flavoring!! So yeah that's what's going on.

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!

Time to beat myself over the head with a mallet! Yay! A spectacle that you can all enjoy!! So I didn't gain nor loose anything last week so that should be motivation to stay on track and keep going right? Wrong.
Between Pie and Ice Cream for breakfast and KFC for dinner today was a bad day to be on a diet. This isn't just weight loss, it's detoxing and relapsing. It's an addiction, it really is! I always knew that people had food addictions, and like drugs or alcohol some people need help in getting off of it. And when I say people I say me.
Sure there's those fancy weight loss camps that if your rich you can truck your fat ass off to and get skinny and that's all fine and great. Good for you! But for those of us who don't have the time or money well rehab is just not an option, and yes I know the people who go there have emotional problems and need counseling and stuff. And I have no problem with them really I don't! I find it inspirational when they loose all the weight but.... I'm only 16, I don't have the resources, time, or money to hike my fat ass to a nice rehab center where they take the crap away and help me ease into the healthy lane. I have to do it myself.
There are no pills
There are no shots
I can walk into a grocery store, I don't need to find a drug dealer
I don't need to go to a bar
I don't need to be a certain age
We can go anywhere and get food see food
It's not illegal to eat food
Food is the cheapest, safest, and easiest addiction to obtain.
Comparatively.
I don't think people realize that. They look at someone over weight and write them off as lazy and sloppy. I watched Taboo about Sizes I believe. They said a survey showed that people are completely sexist of fat people. They look at pictures of overweight men and say things such as "Cuddly, warm, sweet," and see a woman and say "Lazy, Slob, Ugly"
I guess I'm just ranting since I'm angry at myself.
And I'm finally admitting to, Yes I have a problem. I'm addicted to food.
I read about thinking before eating. Rather then just compulsively eating. And I've found that I fight myself.
"I don't need it,"
"I shouldn't be eating this,"
"I should just do the smaller order,"
"Just eat half"
Then my other half says
"C'mon it's just a little,"
"You deserve it,"
"You've been good,"
"You'll just burn it off when you go for your walk,"

Yeah it's bad. Like I said it's an addiction. I want my hit, I give excuses to get my figurative "high" then I regret it. Although I haven't found myself eating because of emotion, I just want it. Although I could be, it's a possibility. I usually eat out of boredom.
So that's my ranting for today.

Bad Little Blogger

yeah.
Well anywho I was a bad girl yesterday and well most of the week, I drank soda!! Nooo!! Other then that I've been good. And I've started writing and drawing again, and I've gotten back into all of the schooliness. I'll be taking a college prep course and I need to do some research, other then that my math class for this year is "Personal Finance" so yay!! No stupid slow moving ickyness!!
So yeah just a little bit for now.

Okay

I believe I've finally gotten back on track.
I've been eating things that are not just fat or carbs, that mixed with all the leg breaking exercise I've been getting should be okay.
I will be detoxing with soda, when I drink soda I totally swell up! What I need to do it restrict my soda intake to one or two days a week. I'm feeling better about myself and what I've been eating and I think I'm finally done with my mental self mutilation. 

Oh Fudgenuts

I've probably used that title before but I'm really stuck here!!
I'm in my first rut I think. I'm feeling really shitty right now cause I saw myself in a picture and I feel like I see myself there then I look in the mirror and.... they don't match. I know I'm not skinny and I know I'm fat but I look at myself in pictures and think... "I'm not that fat.... am I?" then I start beating myself up.
"I'm so freaking fat"
"I look like a seal"
"Who would ever think I'm attractive"
"I don't want to go out in public until I actually look okay"
"I want to curl up and die"

Yeah that was about it today. Beating myself up all day. My mom talking to me trying to make me feel better but I keep being a selfish little beotch.
Yeah I need to do some positive visualization and get back on track.

Chocolate Cake

French Chocolate Cake that is
Today was the practice run with the cake and I think it came out magnificently, of course I do need to tweak it a little here and there. Figure out how to mix the flour better and put it in the smaller tin the bake. I took some pictures while I was making it. So here:

Harry Potter

WHAAAAAA! Yeah I saw the last movie. What describes it the best? Epic. Yeah that was awesome!! I loved it! I did almost cry. It was right there!! Almost! But they didn't break so that was good cause I would feel kind of stupid lololol! It's only my childhood dying. That's all.
Anywho I watched it it was awesome and everthang.
AND WE GOT TO SEE THE SHERLOCK HOLMES TRAILER OMG I AM SO FRICKING EXCITED!!
I have a huge obsession with Robert Downy Jr.
So yeah.
That's that.
Lets hope that tomorrow I won't find out that I am back to my main weight lololol that would suck since the movie was my weight loss reward.
I haven't eaten anything but sour patch and it's 5pm.
Tootles!

My Insperations and Trials

Just some pictures

First is my Inspiration Wall.
It's said if you want to loose weight you should have a visualization of what you want to look like eventually. So I cut up some gossip mags and put some of my favorite people, People who inspire me,  and clothing and stuff. 

So I have the chick from the weight watchers commercials, Lady Gaga, Sandra Bullock, Pauley Perrette, Jeniffer Love-Hewitt, Kendra Basket-Wilkinson, Kate Middleton, Angelina Jolie, Barbara Eden, Kirstie Alley.  






















And this is our lovely kitchen filled with nummy treats that I will most likely over eat if I take a bite.....

 

Just a Little Update

So as to not seem crazy and emotional to all those new to my little asylum crazy corner on the interwebz I have a little update.
I just walked into the kitchen to see piles of cupcakes, brownies, and chocolate chip cookies for my sister's bake sale.
I;m going insane.
I have to wear blinders as I walk through it since my rooms on the one side of the kitchen and the rest of the house is on the other.
SO yeah.
Oh and I changed my name!!
LGMs are my favorite from Toy Story shown here by my shrine to them: (and my little L plushie in the corner with his mickey ears lolol)

And I love love love barbie dolls and their history so of course I have an LGM barbie!! So that's the story
and now for some random and healthy picture spam of my dog before I hit the figurative hay.

My lovely son vinny van voo voo!!