Tuesday, January 24, 2012

My Name is Cassondra and I...

Am a Binge eater.
You know how they say, you can't fix the problem if you don't think you have one?
That's what I thought, I thought "I'm not that bad, I can control myself, I don't do that," well I'm not as bad as some severe cases but in some ways I'm a lesser case of it. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm angry, I eat and eat and eat. I am so TIRED of false revelations. Although some were helpful I need to really focus on what the problem is.
I've broken it down.
When I eat I think about how good the food is going to taste! I get excited like it's a gift! (And in some ways that's a good thing, I appreciate what I have but that's not the issue here) Then I eat it. I don't savor it I mow down and swallow it, usually while watching TV or on the computer or whatever. I don't think when I eat, well I do just not about food. I just don't worry about anything. I thought of this in the beginning of my journey which has been more like walking in the woods at night with a bag over my head and the trail just a giant circle, but I had a bag of jelly beans. TootiFruiti my favorite kind. I sat there and I took eat one or more at I time and it felt dirty. Like popping pills. Taking drugs. Just dirty.
Why can't I realize my bad habits when I'm eating meals or snacks.
I need help and right now I have to get it myself.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Hey all

Oh dreamy me!
How come when one busy time ends another one starts?
I have:
College Apps
Financial Aid
Homework and school grades
and on top of all that daily teenage hormones oh and dieting! It's been crazy.
I gained a lb last week which sucks. I need to relax, get everything back in line.
I just want to sit and watch my teeny dramas in peace!!

Well other than that exercise has been below satisfactory, with the fact that I'm only doing one whole day of real activity at airaligned. I would like to try the treadmill since it's finally started raining here. I have this weird thing that happens in my head I think. When I loose a large or good amount of weight it's like
"Oh! Okay now I can go and screw off, overeat and bing all I want because I lost the weight!" really it's like WTF! That's not how it's suppose to work! I'm suppose to loose the weight and be motivated to loose more! Not eat more!

Friday, January 13, 2012


I'm sosososooooo sorry! It's been so hella busy lately and crazy around here! Every time I've tried to record or post a video I've been interrupted by my mom or siblings! GAH!
Well I might as well report my stuff now!
I weighed myself and I am now 209! Not my lowest but that means I lost about 4.9 lbs! I think it was cause I was deflating after Bitch Week before and I was 214 but I deflated and have LOST since then so YAY! Uh eating has been okay... I've been eating goood portions but... my food choices haven't been... up to par. I've been eating Cheez-its and sugar cereal! This is why we can't have this crap in the house! I'll eat it!! Gah!! Well Tomorrow is detox day. I've been overeating a little too during dinner so I need to cut that down and go back on plan. Yeah that's about it.... BYE!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

SAT Stresses

As senior year comes around to the second semester I was having fun! But then... I found that it's getting close to the stop date to apply for UNR and I need to submit my SAT scores.... which I haven't taken yet. Yeah I have two weeks to study for this P.O.S. joke of a test. I have a book from my college counselor and I just got 4 right out of 17. Pathetic right? Well I have weeks to stress about it then they will be over then I can show my college how lame and stupid I am yay! Nah I'm trying to stay positive but it's been hard. I just have to do the tutoring which I really don't want to do and just live through it WITHOUT throwing my fitness out the door with comfort food.
Speaking of fitness it is the second week in the NYWL Challenge! I have a weigh in tomorrow morning I believe, another update is that I haven't gained anything except for like .5 lbs which is cool. I think I weighed in over the break cause I don't remember weighing in at 214lbs.... so that's weird but not as bad as some gains.
I've been eating well for the past few days which I'm really proud of. I haven't fallen. We went to Taco Tree and I ordered two quesadillas like I shouldn't have BUT I waited and ate it today and not all at once. I've stayed hydrated and I've been doing some light work outs over the week. Life other than the whole SAT drama has been okay. I have to go back to school next week BLAH! But it's the last semester of my last year of high school! OhEmGee!! It's so crazy. We're going to tour UNR in March which is really exciting!!
That's all for now I guess. I'll update my video diaries later today or tomorrow morning!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I've Got a Bad Romance!

With bread!
I've been craving bread SO hard lately! But with regular sandwiches I've kept it pretty much under control. Of course my dad brought home doughnuts! Not his fault though cause I haven't really announced my gluten freeness. I was able only to take a little bite and put down the bready goodness without binging. For breakfast I had Special K cerial with a colby jack cheese stick and half a vitamin water and now I'm chewing gum to keep me over until "lunch" which should be around 3 since I've been having trouble sleeping and I got up at noon AGAIN!
It'll be hard but I have to reset my clock.
Another change is I will physically write down my calories and watch them as eat. It's gonna suck but I really have to do it this time.
Yesterday was a great day though, I watched my food and I think I did really good along with a little work out at the end with my sister.
I really hope my feelings are right about this year for my weight loss and life in general. I hope there will be a big change.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Video Up!!

My video is up! My first video is up and it is craaaaaaaapy!! Yaaaay! It's kind of weird but I think it's okay for the first one. Uhm I started my Japaneses today but it's pretty awesome. It's different from any other language training I've had. Is that a thing? Language training? Well instead more like mandatory Spanish class hehehe. Anywho it's cool and a lot of fun and I really am learning! I know way more than I thought I would in the first hour. Fun Fun!!
Well not much to report, I caught myself eating a cookie today! No! I'm suppose to be gluten free!! It is my first day so it's going to be hard. I have to wean myself off of the bread I can't just quit cold turkey. That's why they call it a challenge!!