Tuesday, January 24, 2012

My Name is Cassondra and I...

Am a Binge eater.
You know how they say, you can't fix the problem if you don't think you have one?
That's what I thought, I thought "I'm not that bad, I can control myself, I don't do that," well I'm not as bad as some severe cases but in some ways I'm a lesser case of it. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm angry, I eat and eat and eat. I am so TIRED of false revelations. Although some were helpful I need to really focus on what the problem is.
I've broken it down.
When I eat I think about how good the food is going to taste! I get excited like it's a gift! (And in some ways that's a good thing, I appreciate what I have but that's not the issue here) Then I eat it. I don't savor it I mow down and swallow it, usually while watching TV or on the computer or whatever. I don't think when I eat, well I do just not about food. I just don't worry about anything. I thought of this in the beginning of my journey which has been more like walking in the woods at night with a bag over my head and the trail just a giant circle, but I had a bag of jelly beans. TootiFruiti my favorite kind. I sat there and I took eat one or more at I time and it felt dirty. Like popping pills. Taking drugs. Just dirty.
Why can't I realize my bad habits when I'm eating meals or snacks.
I need help and right now I have to get it myself.

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