Monday, March 5, 2012

Oh My Gosh!

People I am so sorry!
I think I just needed a break but I'm ready to get on the bloggermill and start documenting again. I probably won't be posting every day anymore because of school and other stresses. I'm going to college in around 7 months which means I need to finalize my school and get scholarships together. I HATE this. Deadlines, money, essays, recommendations, nominations, transcripts it's literally like have a part time job ON TOP of my full time high school job. But I can't complain, I'm home schooled and I'm a procrastinator like instead of watching Cupcake Wars and posting on here I should be reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" which I've barely gotten past 50 pages in a 280 someodd paged book which I HATE! Okay I don't hate it it's just not my thing. I would love to get back into reading but if the book is not in your interest how does that motivate you? Also I would rather be drawing. I have a million and one characters bouncing around in my head going "DRAW ME DRAW ME!" Ugh no! Not right now!! Please wait your turn behind Kaleb and Coraline and Hazel and Peter. And on top of that? I'm pet sitting a little dachshund named Pretzel which isn't that bad. She is an amazing little dog and a complete lover. Anywho needless to say my weight is at 214 and hasn't gone anywhere for two weeks.
 And of course yesterday I had to buy some bras which means looking in the mirror with only a bra on top. Basically looking at my fat and being reminded of how much of a loser I am. Ya fat ass. That's the pessimistic side of me.
I have three sides, one seems to come out when I'm around a certain someone but the other too are always fighting (Gawd I sound like I have three personalities). Anyway one CONSTANTLY puts me down "You suck," "You'll never be thin" "You're a loser" "Your ugly" "You're a fat ass" and the other goes "Hey ignore that other voice!" "You're beautiful!" "Who cares what everyone thinks?" "You can do it," unfortunately the negative voice seems to talk louder than the positive one. Well I might as well start over AGAIN!!
Hopefully there will be less of a rant/complaining post next time. Sorry for being such a downer!!

LGM Barbie

No comments:

Post a Comment