Saturday, December 31, 2011

Learn a new Language

So just in time for new years I got Rosetta Stone Japanese!
I will start my first lesson tomorrow and I'm super excited. It takes 30 minutes for the first lesson it says and I'm excited for it. I will also do a review of it if I end up finishing it. Which I hope I will. Why I chose Japanese in the first place? Well I know this is going to sound stereotypical but I'm not going to lie. I'm a fan of anime. Ever since I was little I watched anime, I loved KiKi's Delivery Service which is a Japanese movie and of course I loved Pokemon. Over the years I stopped watching until I was about 12 or 13. Since then I've been fascinated by Japan, not just the anime but their whole culture. I collect tea sets from Japan (and all over the world but my first tea set was from Japan) and I also love the kimonos and traditions. Of course my interest would have never came to be if it hadn't been for anime so in a way it helped me discover something that I really like. I'm not unrealistic of course, I used to be. Some fan's think that Japan is complete heaven with no flaws. Granted I used to think that but I began to learn more and realize the Japan has it's faults and follies and whatnot just like any other country. I don't want to move there right now but some day. It's on my goal list hehe.
Anyways tomorrow starts my first vlog entry! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I'll probably also post a tour of my room. I filmed one the other day but my voice was too low because I was so far away from the camera.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Blaming the Mall for Once

For once instead of blaming myself for being "shaped badly" I blamed the mall for the sizing problem! It's not my fault! No matter how much weight I loose I will always have my big boobs, butt, and shoulders which will make shopping still hard! Today in Forever 21 my mom brought me the CUTEST dress! It was a flowly dark pumpkin orange with little black cats all over it and a synched waist. It's cuter than it sounds really! I tried it on and I couldn't get it past my boobs. Never mind my stomach but my chest was way too big for the little size L dress. Another thing about that store that I now resent is EVERYTHING goes up to a L and a 10 in shoes. ONE size smaller than my actual size. It really pissed me off. It's so discriminatory!! I applaud the stores like Forever 21 for opening plus size but they have a miniscule selection of not really great things that is also secluded to the internet.
One store that I am now newly in love with is H&M. Their prices are SO nice compared to Delia's or Wet Seal. And their stuff is nice modern styles. Another thing is I actually fit some of the things I chose. I bought an ADORABLE little black shirt and a floral skirt there today, I wish I had the money to buy the floral shoes at Forever 21 that actually fit which was weird cause the size 10 in the other shoes were like three sizes too skinny width wise. But I could of paired that with some cute tights and a cardigan. hehe okay this isn't a fashion blog although I'm pondering opening one....
Back onto the topic at hand. Most stores in the mall only went up to the size Large! What the Hell is up with that?! I can't believe how down hill everything's gone size wise. plus my sister can fit most of the large tops and dresses comfortably in most of these stores and she's 10!
Well asides from that and on a happy note I'm a size 14 dress! I took a picture of myself in the H&M size 14 black dress. I will upload it later.
Well I'm tired so I'll talk to you all later!


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A Little Name Changing and Self Finding

I haven't been on but it's been the Holidays and hectic but hey really I needed some time to myself. You have no idea how relaxing it has been not having to worry about what I'm eating. I know it's bad and I've gained (I haven't weighed in so I don't know how much) but New Years is literally right around the corner and that's the time for resolutions. I know that's kind of following the crowd but you know what over these few weeks I've realized that it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter if I',m following a crowd or not! There are so many people out there obsessed with NOT following the crowd (like "I only read books that no one's heard of" WHAT?! What kind of preference is that!! And I'm not joking someone actually said that to me!)and people who MUST follow the crowd, they HAVE to shop at Hot Topic because that's what everyone else is doing or they have to shop at Abracrombie because that's what everyone is doing. But really we are the crowd whether we want to be or not. We are all in a crowd one was or another. Whether we're in the "I read books no one's heard of" crowd or the "I must wear the latest labels" crowd there is a "group" for that.
If you don't define yourself by anyone else's standers but your own then really you kind of are out of the crowd in a way. Sure there are people with maybe that same philosophy but no one is EXACTLY like you. I don't really know how to exactly say it but really I just need to find my own road. I don't want to think too much about how we all seem to follow some kind of group and if we are all unique then no one is actually unique. Then I get depressed hehe.
But after all this blah blah blah what I'm trying to say is yes I will keep trying to loose weight but I won't let embarrassment about my current size bother me anymore. Of course it won't just be as easy as flipping a switch. I will still cringe at pictures of me or suck it in when a cute boy comes around but I will try to not let it rule my life. I'm trying to change my weight for myself and I shouldn't be judged for that and even though I will be I will try to make sure that they won't define me.
I hope you are all still there, I still have most of my journey ahead of me and I hope by the end I will have entertained and inspired you maybe even just a little hehe.

Loves and Hugs,

Friday, December 2, 2011

I'm Baaaaack

Hey all!
I am soooo sorry I've been MIA lately! As I think I posted before my computer crashed. I thought it was going to be a simple fix but instead I had to go through the insurance process to get a new one. Yep new computer!! So here I am again!!
I guess I should update a little. Last time a weighted in I was 206 again!! That was a loss of 3lbs I think the week i weighed in so that is good.
I've changed my plan again, I think for the better. Before I was overeating then being like "Oh well let's just go work my ass off" well that would just balance my weight out or not even help it. Now I'm working out a min of 3 times a week and I've added some new little things to my workouts. Because of the weather and the winter coming I haven't been able to get out and ride or walk so instead on Sundays we're going to the horses and I'll ride there.
Now you might think "Riding a horse? HA! That's not a workout!" well then I say HA to you! and another HA! Because my thighs and stomach muscles hurt like HELL for three days afterwards! You have to grip with your legs and keep yourself up with her stomach muscles. At the time you won't notice it but afterwards you will.
Another thing is AirAligned
What is this you ask? Fist off I did my first lesson on Monday and my whole body still hurts today ON FRIDAY!!
Second here is the basics, I've only learned the first three moves she does (except I was able to touch the ground and I wasn't up in the air yet)
Of course to my favorite band Evanescence.
But this is working your WHOLE DAMN BODY! You're basically lifting your body weight into the air which for me means hoisting 206 lbs into the air by my arms or legs. Yeah it's intense but its HELLA FUN!! I've always wanted to do gymnastics but I always thought I was way too fat and I have no upper body strength. But I joined this because I have two friends from school who help and participate in the class and my little sister is in it too.
It's really fun but REALLY rare at least I think...
Of course all the other girls other than my friends who are average height and weight, are like 90lbs soaking wet and have been doing this for a little while. Great. Little girls in leotards and me.... yeah but its not competitive, the girls are really nice so far and there is no judgment. Over these last few weeks I realized that even if I get dirty look from people who think I'm to fat to workout or whatever they think (I mean really why would you think like that?!) I find that I'm there for myself not them and I am there to loose weight. So screw them and their negative thoughts and feelings. I'm here to make myself better not to make them happy.
So that's all for now