Wednesday, December 28, 2011

A Little Name Changing and Self Finding

I haven't been on but it's been the Holidays and hectic but hey really I needed some time to myself. You have no idea how relaxing it has been not having to worry about what I'm eating. I know it's bad and I've gained (I haven't weighed in so I don't know how much) but New Years is literally right around the corner and that's the time for resolutions. I know that's kind of following the crowd but you know what over these few weeks I've realized that it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter if I',m following a crowd or not! There are so many people out there obsessed with NOT following the crowd (like "I only read books that no one's heard of" WHAT?! What kind of preference is that!! And I'm not joking someone actually said that to me!)and people who MUST follow the crowd, they HAVE to shop at Hot Topic because that's what everyone else is doing or they have to shop at Abracrombie because that's what everyone is doing. But really we are the crowd whether we want to be or not. We are all in a crowd one was or another. Whether we're in the "I read books no one's heard of" crowd or the "I must wear the latest labels" crowd there is a "group" for that.
If you don't define yourself by anyone else's standers but your own then really you kind of are out of the crowd in a way. Sure there are people with maybe that same philosophy but no one is EXACTLY like you. I don't really know how to exactly say it but really I just need to find my own road. I don't want to think too much about how we all seem to follow some kind of group and if we are all unique then no one is actually unique. Then I get depressed hehe.
But after all this blah blah blah what I'm trying to say is yes I will keep trying to loose weight but I won't let embarrassment about my current size bother me anymore. Of course it won't just be as easy as flipping a switch. I will still cringe at pictures of me or suck it in when a cute boy comes around but I will try to not let it rule my life. I'm trying to change my weight for myself and I shouldn't be judged for that and even though I will be I will try to make sure that they won't define me.
I hope you are all still there, I still have most of my journey ahead of me and I hope by the end I will have entertained and inspired you maybe even just a little hehe.

Loves and Hugs,

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