In other news I have crappy bloating today which sucks. But this too shall pass. I need to cut down on salt again.
Anywho not much to report.
Tootles,
LGMbarbie
Monday, March 19, 2012
Wait? It's still monday?
Yeah I couldn't get to sleep last night. I should have just broken out Mockingjay and I could have been productive but instead I just tossed and turned and talked to myself. And I had to get up at 8 this morning. Bleeeeh. I had to go to an interview with some other kids to talk to the WASC people who give private schools their charter or something like that. Then I had to go clean which was fine. Then I napped for like 4 hours and I'm still tired so I might be able to sleep tonight. But more than likely I'll lay in bed and not sleep tonight. Which means. READING!! Hurrayyyyy!!
I got's a hot date toniiiight!!
In other news I have crappy bloating today which sucks. But this too shall pass. I need to cut down on salt again.
Anywho not much to report.
Tootles,
LGMbarbie
In other news I have crappy bloating today which sucks. But this too shall pass. I need to cut down on salt again.
Anywho not much to report.
Tootles,
LGMbarbie
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Good Week, New Job, and The Hunger Games
I'm trying not to jinx myself but after weighing in down two pounds I actually started eating better this week. I think my stomach has shrunk because I find myself not eating as much. As for calorie counting I'm kind of going crazy. I punch everything in and either I'm eating less or things suddenly have less calories. It seems crazy to me because I'm ending up with like barely 1200 calories a day and feeling stuffed. Like I had totally binged. But my stomach has looked smaller and my legs are decreasing in cellulite. I'm kind of proud of myself. I just hope that I don't sabotage myself.
Another piece of info I'm so excited about is I have a job! I'm cleaning an apartment every morning for a dance teacher of mine who is injured. It's fun because I can hang out with her and clean and make money. Just an hour a day for 12 bucks 5 days a week. It also gets me up and active in the morning which is good for me.
And last but not least HUNGER GAMES ON FRIDAY!! I am soooo excited. I'm not going to pretend to be one of those "I liked it before it was cool" kind of people because I didn't. My mom did though and she created a monster. Just like with Harry Potter. Here's the story.
When I was little my mom would read Harry Potter before bed, this was before I could read very well since I have dyslexia. But after I had that taken care of my mom told me I should read them. Now? Harry Potter was my one true love and still is. That was my childhood. I grew up with Harry Ron and Hermione! With the Hunger Games it's like starting a new chapter in my life with going off to college and all. I love the characters and as dismal (and I thought scary) the books were I still think it's great which is weird for me. But I'm excited. A friend of mine is coming with my mom and I and we're trying to dress up like people from the capitol. I bought some gold make up and nail polish to dress myself up and I'm going to cover myself in glitter and draw the mockingjay pin on my hand. I'm going to try to guy these pretty mockingjay earrings at our book store.
Well other than that? I was accepted to my top college which means trying to get all the funds and whatnot together. I'll update later on that. And as for doing a Vlog? Well that hasn't gone well but I'll try some day. Most likely closer to college. For some reason everybody needs me to do something when I try to record my videos.
Well May the Odd be Ever in Your Favor (hehe)
Tootles,
LGMbarbie
Another piece of info I'm so excited about is I have a job! I'm cleaning an apartment every morning for a dance teacher of mine who is injured. It's fun because I can hang out with her and clean and make money. Just an hour a day for 12 bucks 5 days a week. It also gets me up and active in the morning which is good for me.
And last but not least HUNGER GAMES ON FRIDAY!! I am soooo excited. I'm not going to pretend to be one of those "I liked it before it was cool" kind of people because I didn't. My mom did though and she created a monster. Just like with Harry Potter. Here's the story.
When I was little my mom would read Harry Potter before bed, this was before I could read very well since I have dyslexia. But after I had that taken care of my mom told me I should read them. Now? Harry Potter was my one true love and still is. That was my childhood. I grew up with Harry Ron and Hermione! With the Hunger Games it's like starting a new chapter in my life with going off to college and all. I love the characters and as dismal (and I thought scary) the books were I still think it's great which is weird for me. But I'm excited. A friend of mine is coming with my mom and I and we're trying to dress up like people from the capitol. I bought some gold make up and nail polish to dress myself up and I'm going to cover myself in glitter and draw the mockingjay pin on my hand. I'm going to try to guy these pretty mockingjay earrings at our book store.
Well other than that? I was accepted to my top college which means trying to get all the funds and whatnot together. I'll update later on that. And as for doing a Vlog? Well that hasn't gone well but I'll try some day. Most likely closer to college. For some reason everybody needs me to do something when I try to record my videos.
Well May the Odd be Ever in Your Favor (hehe)
Tootles,
LGMbarbie
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Acceptance
No today I'm not talking about sociaty buuuuut, I have just been accepted to RENO!! I've been applying for colleges and financial aid and trying to stay on top of homework as well so that's why haven't been on for the last few months. But I was accepted to my top college!! I'll be moving this summer!! Good news is a friend of mine might be going to the same school so I might be able to know someone there!! It would be good if that were the case. Anywho. Dieting sucks that's all
Tootles,
LGMbarbie
Tootles,
LGMbarbie
Monday, March 5, 2012
Oh My Gosh!
People I am so sorry!
I think I just needed a break but I'm ready to get on the bloggermill and start documenting again. I probably won't be posting every day anymore because of school and other stresses. I'm going to college in around 7 months which means I need to finalize my school and get scholarships together. I HATE this. Deadlines, money, essays, recommendations, nominations, transcripts it's literally like have a part time job ON TOP of my full time high school job. But I can't complain, I'm home schooled and I'm a procrastinator like instead of watching Cupcake Wars and posting on here I should be reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" which I've barely gotten past 50 pages in a 280 someodd paged book which I HATE! Okay I don't hate it it's just not my thing. I would love to get back into reading but if the book is not in your interest how does that motivate you? Also I would rather be drawing. I have a million and one characters bouncing around in my head going "DRAW ME DRAW ME!" Ugh no! Not right now!! Please wait your turn behind Kaleb and Coraline and Hazel and Peter. And on top of that? I'm pet sitting a little dachshund named Pretzel which isn't that bad. She is an amazing little dog and a complete lover. Anywho needless to say my weight is at 214 and hasn't gone anywhere for two weeks.
And of course yesterday I had to buy some bras which means looking in the mirror with only a bra on top. Basically looking at my fat and being reminded of how much of a loser I am. Ya fat ass. That's the pessimistic side of me.
I have three sides, one seems to come out when I'm around a certain someone but the other too are always fighting (Gawd I sound like I have three personalities). Anyway one CONSTANTLY puts me down "You suck," "You'll never be thin" "You're a loser" "Your ugly" "You're a fat ass" and the other goes "Hey ignore that other voice!" "You're beautiful!" "Who cares what everyone thinks?" "You can do it," unfortunately the negative voice seems to talk louder than the positive one. Well I might as well start over AGAIN!!
Hopefully there will be less of a rant/complaining post next time. Sorry for being such a downer!!
Tootles,
LGM Barbie
I think I just needed a break but I'm ready to get on the bloggermill and start documenting again. I probably won't be posting every day anymore because of school and other stresses. I'm going to college in around 7 months which means I need to finalize my school and get scholarships together. I HATE this. Deadlines, money, essays, recommendations, nominations, transcripts it's literally like have a part time job ON TOP of my full time high school job. But I can't complain, I'm home schooled and I'm a procrastinator like instead of watching Cupcake Wars and posting on here I should be reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" which I've barely gotten past 50 pages in a 280 someodd paged book which I HATE! Okay I don't hate it it's just not my thing. I would love to get back into reading but if the book is not in your interest how does that motivate you? Also I would rather be drawing. I have a million and one characters bouncing around in my head going "DRAW ME DRAW ME!" Ugh no! Not right now!! Please wait your turn behind Kaleb and Coraline and Hazel and Peter. And on top of that? I'm pet sitting a little dachshund named Pretzel which isn't that bad. She is an amazing little dog and a complete lover. Anywho needless to say my weight is at 214 and hasn't gone anywhere for two weeks.
And of course yesterday I had to buy some bras which means looking in the mirror with only a bra on top. Basically looking at my fat and being reminded of how much of a loser I am. Ya fat ass. That's the pessimistic side of me.
I have three sides, one seems to come out when I'm around a certain someone but the other too are always fighting (Gawd I sound like I have three personalities). Anyway one CONSTANTLY puts me down "You suck," "You'll never be thin" "You're a loser" "Your ugly" "You're a fat ass" and the other goes "Hey ignore that other voice!" "You're beautiful!" "Who cares what everyone thinks?" "You can do it," unfortunately the negative voice seems to talk louder than the positive one. Well I might as well start over AGAIN!!
Hopefully there will be less of a rant/complaining post next time. Sorry for being such a downer!!
Tootles,
LGM Barbie
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
My Name is Cassondra and I...
Am a Binge eater.
You know how they say, you can't fix the problem if you don't think you have one?
That's what I thought, I thought "I'm not that bad, I can control myself, I don't do that," well I'm not as bad as some severe cases but in some ways I'm a lesser case of it. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm angry, I eat and eat and eat. I am so TIRED of false revelations. Although some were helpful I need to really focus on what the problem is.
I've broken it down.
When I eat I think about how good the food is going to taste! I get excited like it's a gift! (And in some ways that's a good thing, I appreciate what I have but that's not the issue here) Then I eat it. I don't savor it I mow down and swallow it, usually while watching TV or on the computer or whatever. I don't think when I eat, well I do just not about food. I just don't worry about anything. I thought of this in the beginning of my journey which has been more like walking in the woods at night with a bag over my head and the trail just a giant circle, but I had a bag of jelly beans. TootiFruiti my favorite kind. I sat there and I took eat one or more at I time and it felt dirty. Like popping pills. Taking drugs. Just dirty.
Why can't I realize my bad habits when I'm eating meals or snacks.
I need help and right now I have to get it myself.
You know how they say, you can't fix the problem if you don't think you have one?
That's what I thought, I thought "I'm not that bad, I can control myself, I don't do that," well I'm not as bad as some severe cases but in some ways I'm a lesser case of it. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm angry, I eat and eat and eat. I am so TIRED of false revelations. Although some were helpful I need to really focus on what the problem is.
I've broken it down.
When I eat I think about how good the food is going to taste! I get excited like it's a gift! (And in some ways that's a good thing, I appreciate what I have but that's not the issue here) Then I eat it. I don't savor it I mow down and swallow it, usually while watching TV or on the computer or whatever. I don't think when I eat, well I do just not about food. I just don't worry about anything. I thought of this in the beginning of my journey which has been more like walking in the woods at night with a bag over my head and the trail just a giant circle, but I had a bag of jelly beans. TootiFruiti my favorite kind. I sat there and I took eat one or more at I time and it felt dirty. Like popping pills. Taking drugs. Just dirty.
Why can't I realize my bad habits when I'm eating meals or snacks.
I need help and right now I have to get it myself.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Hey all
Oh dreamy me!
How come when one busy time ends another one starts?
I have:
SATs
College Apps
Financial Aid
Homework and school grades
and on top of all that daily teenage hormones oh and dieting! It's been crazy.
I gained a lb last week which sucks. I need to relax, get everything back in line.
I just want to sit and watch my teeny dramas in peace!!
Well other than that exercise has been below satisfactory, with the fact that I'm only doing one whole day of real activity at airaligned. I would like to try the treadmill since it's finally started raining here. I have this weird thing that happens in my head I think. When I loose a large or good amount of weight it's like
"Oh! Okay now I can go and screw off, overeat and bing all I want because I lost the weight!" really it's like WTF! That's not how it's suppose to work! I'm suppose to loose the weight and be motivated to loose more! Not eat more!
How come when one busy time ends another one starts?
I have:
SATs
College Apps
Financial Aid
Homework and school grades
and on top of all that daily teenage hormones oh and dieting! It's been crazy.
I gained a lb last week which sucks. I need to relax, get everything back in line.
I just want to sit and watch my teeny dramas in peace!!
Well other than that exercise has been below satisfactory, with the fact that I'm only doing one whole day of real activity at airaligned. I would like to try the treadmill since it's finally started raining here. I have this weird thing that happens in my head I think. When I loose a large or good amount of weight it's like
"Oh! Okay now I can go and screw off, overeat and bing all I want because I lost the weight!" really it's like WTF! That's not how it's suppose to work! I'm suppose to loose the weight and be motivated to loose more! Not eat more!
Friday, January 13, 2012
GAWD!
I'm sosososooooo sorry! It's been so hella busy lately and crazy around here! Every time I've tried to record or post a video I've been interrupted by my mom or siblings! GAH!
Well I might as well report my stuff now!
I weighed myself and I am now 209! Not my lowest but that means I lost about 4.9 lbs! I think it was cause I was deflating after Bitch Week before and I was 214 but I deflated and have LOST since then so YAY! Uh eating has been okay... I've been eating goood portions but... my food choices haven't been... up to par. I've been eating Cheez-its and sugar cereal! This is why we can't have this crap in the house! I'll eat it!! Gah!! Well Tomorrow is detox day. I've been overeating a little too during dinner so I need to cut that down and go back on plan. Yeah that's about it.... BYE!
Tootles,
Well I might as well report my stuff now!
I weighed myself and I am now 209! Not my lowest but that means I lost about 4.9 lbs! I think it was cause I was deflating after Bitch Week before and I was 214 but I deflated and have LOST since then so YAY! Uh eating has been okay... I've been eating goood portions but... my food choices haven't been... up to par. I've been eating Cheez-its and sugar cereal! This is why we can't have this crap in the house! I'll eat it!! Gah!! Well Tomorrow is detox day. I've been overeating a little too during dinner so I need to cut that down and go back on plan. Yeah that's about it.... BYE!
Tootles,
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