Hi Again

Sorry!! I haven't been on lately because of my missing computer. I haven't gotten it back and I don't think I will because it might be shot... ugh!! On the diet front I LOST 1.5 LBS THIS WEEK!! Yaay!! My trick this week? I focused on my eating! Crazy right? The past weeks have been bad because I'm trying to compensate for my bad eating with exercise then I give up on some days. But this week I've been watching my eating, not soda still (Even when eating out!!) and I have been eating meals and not just snacking.
Next I'm going to work on eliminating candy, like lollipops, chocolate, sour patch and whatever. I want to make something that tracks my sugar intake. Like I can only have a candy bar or no dessert unless its after dinner, counting how many cookies I eat instead of just eating and then guessing. Once I have gotten into good solid eating I will focus back on good exercises and normal exercise habits.
Let's see I would also like to actually start looking at professional blogs and see how they talk and write. I want to start making my blog look pretty in the way I write instead of just writing like it's a public journal and putting as much thought into it as a Facebook status.
Hopefully there is better posts to come and welcome to new readers!! Hope there's more to come!!

Tootles,

Weigh In

So you know how I was talking about expecting to gain? Well I did, but you know what? I'm not torn up about it. I'm up 4.4 which sucks. But I think because I was expecting to gain it wasn't a big deal. Of course it's disappointing but I know I didn't do well and four days of exercise when I should have done 6 and drinking soda again totally helped the gain. But that just means I'm going to have to work harder. And no more soda!!
Ugh.

Evanescence day 19 and 20

Where Will you Go Fan Video

Official Video of What You Want by Evanescence one of the most recent releases.

tootles,

Christmas Dress Update and Weigh In

If you haven't noticed already I have updated my weight tracker.
Today I weighed in at 206.7.
IS THAT CRAZAY OR WHAT?! I knew I was kicking my ass but I didn't know by that much?!
I've lost 3.3 lbs this week!!
I am so happy!!
I am currently at the lowest I've been in a VERY long time.
I'm also out of the teens!! Only 7lbs to go then I will hopefully *crosses fingers* be in the 190 range!!

I guess I should do what I set out to do in this post.
Christmas Dress Update!!
I think what really contributed to my weight loss for the past few weeks is the whole I'm-not-drinking-soda-like-it's-water thing. My household runs on Coke and for me personally Fanta Orange. But I haven't had any!! There have been major withdrawal moments where all I want is a can of orange soda but I've had to settle with... well water.
So That means the water part of the challenge is going awesome.

I exercise 6 days a week
I have been under (for the most part, yes I have gone over like twice I think) my caloric intake
and I've only had water, and maybe some milk here and there.

I've also noticed the tank tops and jeans I've been wearing are really loose.
That's all for now!
Here is Day 14 of Evanescence Month!!

A Fan video of Evanescence's Breath No More

Tootles,

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!

Time to beat myself over the head with a mallet! Yay! A spectacle that you can all enjoy!! So I didn't gain nor loose anything last week so that should be motivation to stay on track and keep going right? Wrong.
Between Pie and Ice Cream for breakfast and KFC for dinner today was a bad day to be on a diet. This isn't just weight loss, it's detoxing and relapsing. It's an addiction, it really is! I always knew that people had food addictions, and like drugs or alcohol some people need help in getting off of it. And when I say people I say me.
Sure there's those fancy weight loss camps that if your rich you can truck your fat ass off to and get skinny and that's all fine and great. Good for you! But for those of us who don't have the time or money well rehab is just not an option, and yes I know the people who go there have emotional problems and need counseling and stuff. And I have no problem with them really I don't! I find it inspirational when they loose all the weight but.... I'm only 16, I don't have the resources, time, or money to hike my fat ass to a nice rehab center where they take the crap away and help me ease into the healthy lane. I have to do it myself.
There are no pills
There are no shots
I can walk into a grocery store, I don't need to find a drug dealer
I don't need to go to a bar
I don't need to be a certain age
We can go anywhere and get food see food
It's not illegal to eat food
Food is the cheapest, safest, and easiest addiction to obtain.
Comparatively.
I don't think people realize that. They look at someone over weight and write them off as lazy and sloppy. I watched Taboo about Sizes I believe. They said a survey showed that people are completely sexist of fat people. They look at pictures of overweight men and say things such as "Cuddly, warm, sweet," and see a woman and say "Lazy, Slob, Ugly"
I guess I'm just ranting since I'm angry at myself.
And I'm finally admitting to, Yes I have a problem. I'm addicted to food.
I read about thinking before eating. Rather then just compulsively eating. And I've found that I fight myself.
"I don't need it,"
"I shouldn't be eating this,"
"I should just do the smaller order,"
"Just eat half"
Then my other half says
"C'mon it's just a little,"
"You deserve it,"
"You've been good,"
"You'll just burn it off when you go for your walk,"

Yeah it's bad. Like I said it's an addiction. I want my hit, I give excuses to get my figurative "high" then I regret it. Although I haven't found myself eating because of emotion, I just want it. Although I could be, it's a possibility. I usually eat out of boredom.
So that's my ranting for today.

Shatness

So my healing knee was healing well until I fell on it yesterday, now it hurts like a  mother! I twisted my ankle on uneven sidewalk and fell onto my bad knee cause I was tumbling over. Of course instead of a railing or fence to balance on I had a bush filled with some kind of fallen leaves and a lamp post about a foot behind me.
Shit it hurt so much. But the worst pain of it all? Not being able to go on my walks. I'm now down and out. All I can do is sit ups, leg lifts, push ups, ect.
It now looks like a swollen mess. I've been elevating and icing but I think I ripped some scar tissue. It didn't hurt but then again it was in the area where I have my nerve damage numb stop from the surgery. But I was a good girl eating wise today I well I saw something pretty inspirational today. I was writing my coupons out with E! news on behind me. When I heard about this girl who lost 50 pounds and won the Junior Miss California pageant. It inspired me cause I look the way she used to and need to loose about the same amount of weight. Now I'm not going to run out and enter a pageant when I loose my weight but still I think it was really cool.
So that's it for today. Hopefully I can start walking again soon.

Bad Little Blogger

yeah.
Well anywho I was a bad girl yesterday and well most of the week, I drank soda!! Nooo!! Other then that I've been good. And I've started writing and drawing again, and I've gotten back into all of the schooliness. I'll be taking a college prep course and I need to do some research, other then that my math class for this year is "Personal Finance" so yay!! No stupid slow moving ickyness!!
So yeah just a little bit for now.

Okay

I believe I've finally gotten back on track.
I've been eating things that are not just fat or carbs, that mixed with all the leg breaking exercise I've been getting should be okay.
I will be detoxing with soda, when I drink soda I totally swell up! What I need to do it restrict my soda intake to one or two days a week. I'm feeling better about myself and what I've been eating and I think I'm finally done with my mental self mutilation.