17 DAYS

UNTIL MY 17TH BIRTHDAY!!!
YAAAAAY!! I'm so excited!
Yeah.
So it's that time again!! Time to be a year older! I hope I can keep my enthusiasm of birthdays till the day I die!!
Another unfortunate occurrence of September is 9/11.
I saw a beautiful programs (one of the ones they have on the many channels) and I cried today.
Probably cause I can see the spirits standing there, waiting. It's so heartbreaking yet powerful and uplifting.
This kind of sucks as a 50th post

Jumping Back In.

So back in school. I have my classes basically from Tuesday through Thursday since I have a therapy art class on wed. Other then that my official classes are on Tuesday and Thursday. English and creative writing were today and I felt so happy to see my lovely mentor/teacher Kim Culbertson. She is a published author of two books and I would highly recommend her.
She is a lovely person who is helping me through this difficult writing experience. So anywho, yeah today was great.
I need to pick a book to read for a personal at home read and with this this nifty new device that has amazon kindle on it I can download and read books. One that im starting to get into is "Diary of a Psychic" which is just so intriguing.
So that's what's up. Tootles!

New Phone!

So at the moment I am using the droid 3 to post this! I am so happy with it!  You can expect some video diaries soon since I basically have a mini computer + camcorder. I have a face time camera so I can watch my self as I film. And take weight loss pictures.

Monday Weigh In

So, today was weigh in
And
the
weight
was
*drumroll*
210!!
I HAVE LOST 16LBS ALL TOGETHER AND 3.5 LBS THIS WEEK!!
ohemgee you have no idea how happy I am to hear that!! Just last night I kicking my ass, calling myself fat, loser, blob. And woke up depressed cause of bad dreams and bad sleep (I slept better on a blow up mattress in the woods) so I thought, might as well just weigh in.
I guess you do get rewarded for being good.
And all that swimming probably didn't hurt.

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!

Time to beat myself over the head with a mallet! Yay! A spectacle that you can all enjoy!! So I didn't gain nor loose anything last week so that should be motivation to stay on track and keep going right? Wrong.
Between Pie and Ice Cream for breakfast and KFC for dinner today was a bad day to be on a diet. This isn't just weight loss, it's detoxing and relapsing. It's an addiction, it really is! I always knew that people had food addictions, and like drugs or alcohol some people need help in getting off of it. And when I say people I say me.
Sure there's those fancy weight loss camps that if your rich you can truck your fat ass off to and get skinny and that's all fine and great. Good for you! But for those of us who don't have the time or money well rehab is just not an option, and yes I know the people who go there have emotional problems and need counseling and stuff. And I have no problem with them really I don't! I find it inspirational when they loose all the weight but.... I'm only 16, I don't have the resources, time, or money to hike my fat ass to a nice rehab center where they take the crap away and help me ease into the healthy lane. I have to do it myself.
There are no pills
There are no shots
I can walk into a grocery store, I don't need to find a drug dealer
I don't need to go to a bar
I don't need to be a certain age
We can go anywhere and get food see food
It's not illegal to eat food
Food is the cheapest, safest, and easiest addiction to obtain.
Comparatively.
I don't think people realize that. They look at someone over weight and write them off as lazy and sloppy. I watched Taboo about Sizes I believe. They said a survey showed that people are completely sexist of fat people. They look at pictures of overweight men and say things such as "Cuddly, warm, sweet," and see a woman and say "Lazy, Slob, Ugly"
I guess I'm just ranting since I'm angry at myself.
And I'm finally admitting to, Yes I have a problem. I'm addicted to food.
I read about thinking before eating. Rather then just compulsively eating. And I've found that I fight myself.
"I don't need it,"
"I shouldn't be eating this,"
"I should just do the smaller order,"
"Just eat half"
Then my other half says
"C'mon it's just a little,"
"You deserve it,"
"You've been good,"
"You'll just burn it off when you go for your walk,"

Yeah it's bad. Like I said it's an addiction. I want my hit, I give excuses to get my figurative "high" then I regret it. Although I haven't found myself eating because of emotion, I just want it. Although I could be, it's a possibility. I usually eat out of boredom.
So that's my ranting for today.

Bitch Week!

Yep it's that time again! I'm actually glad that it is, I only weighed myself like 2 days ago? Which means I was already bloating. I know that's an excuse for not loosing weight in the last two weeks but hey, we all make excuses right? So that's that, I'm finally making a come back with my walking, I got started late last night so I didn't go the full mile maybe half. But today I did a whole!! It was a lot harder getting back into the swing of things. EatingS been under control but I have been getting HELLA CRAVINGS at night. I didn't really think about it then realized that it's THE WEEK.
So I hope there are no guys reading this and cringing but hey it happens.

Hocus Pocus

Why are they showing that movie in August? I don't really know since we have 2 1/2 months until Halloween. Oh well I love it just the same. But I never knew that MCGEE WAS IN THE MOVIE!! Yeah, NCIS fan here. Sorry. But yeah he's the little ghost boy.
I was freaking out about it at like 10:30 last night. My dog thought I was going insane.
So anywho I have something that I've been obsessing over. And that is the WDWCP and the DLCP. What do these random letters stand for?
WhatDoWackyCaterpillarsPlay? DoLovelyCatsPray? No no no.
Walt Disney World College Program and the Disneyland College Program.
I've been obsessing over these two since.... 06? Yeah around that time. And I am so excited to go! Just a little over half a year!! OMG!!